The Third Side
by Random1377
Summary: After Third Impact, Shinji finds that fighting the angels may have been the EASIEST thing he's ever done... Rated R for harsh language and sexual content. Complete
1. Chemistry

Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion is owned by Studio Gainax animation, not me. Should they, or anyone affiliated with them, request it, I will remove all traces of this story from the web.  Also note that this story contains sexual elements.  If such material offends you, please stop reading now. Thank you.

The Third Side

Side 1

Chemistry

By Random1377

_Dedicated to Arucard the Rogue Vampire_

The balding man tilted his chair back and laced his hands behind his head.  "So tell me, Mister Ikari," he said casually, "why should I make _you_ my dishwasher?"

Shinji Ikari shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  "I'm, umm, a real hard worker," he said hesitantly, "and I'm… I'm good at washing dishes."

"Washing dishes isn't rocket science, Mister Ikari," the man said blandly, "and my dog works pretty hard too."  As the boy flushed and dropped his eyes, Kenji Arima sighed.  "This is your first interview, isn't it?" he asked, leaning forward once more and rubbing the bridge of his nose in a pained fashion as the boy nodded, "I'll tell you what."

"Yes?" Shinji said hopefully, raising his head.

"You seem like a nice kid," Kenji said amicably, "and you sounded sincere when you said you work hard.  Sincere is good – I like that."  He smiled. "So I'll give you a chance to prove yourself.  You start tomorrow, three to eight, and if you do a good job in the next week, I'll give you more hours and make you permanent. How does that sound?"

"Thank you," the brown-haired boy said quickly, "that would be great!"

The restaurant manager chuckled.  "Easy, kid… you'll hurt yourself."  Rising to his feet, he offered his hand.  "See you tomorrow."

Shinji shook the man's hand enthusiastically, promising to do his best, and headed out the door, still thanking him.  On the street, he allowed himself a relieved sigh, turning to look back at the Golden Temple.  "Work," he said happily.

Practically glowing, he stepped off the curb and onto the street, sticking his hands into his pockets and heading towards Sadamoto Memorial Hospital, Tokyo-2's best care-giving facility.  Upon arriving, he presented his identification and made his way to the third floor, shaking his head as he entered room 302.

"Hey," he said softly, "Sorry I'm-"

"Late," the room's occupant, Asuka Langley Souryu, cut him off.  "I knew you would be… you're never on time for anything, Third Child."

Shinji blushed.  "Sorry," he reiterated, "I had something I had to do."

"More important than me?" the redhead teased, grinning as the boy stammered another apology, "Was it a date?"

"N-no!" Shinji exclaimed, "I was just…" he sighed, "I got a part-time job."

"Why?" Asuka inquired, now confused, "Because all that money the government gave us isn't enough for you?"

The brown-haired boy shook his head.  "No, I just," he bit his bottom lip, sitting in the chair by her bedside, "I needed to have something to do."

"Got bored playing with yourself?"

Shinji flushed brightly.  "Umm, Hikari said she'd come by tomorrow."

"Fine," the redhead sighed, quickly losing interest in teasing the boy, as he wasn't rising to the bait… so to speak.  "So what's your job?  And won't Touji-wouji miss his little roommate?"

"I'm going to wash dishes at a restaurant," the former Third Child responded, studying the backs of his hands carefully, "and Touji… he's fine with some time by himself – I think I'm starting to get on his nerves."

"I know you got on mine when we lived together, so I'm sure he's going crazy – and he doesn't have…" she trailed off, her diatribe coming to a halt as she whispered, "Misato."

There was a long, awkward silence, broken when Shinji rose slowly to his feet.  "I'll still visit every day," he said slowly, fiddling with the rail of her hospital bed, "and I talked to the doctors – they said-"

"Another month or so," the redhead interjected quietly, plucking absently at the front of her hospital gown. "I know."

"Yeah, well… feel better."

Asuka nodded as the boy leaned forward and carefully kissed her forehead.  "I'll try, Shinji," she said softly, closing her eye.

Since 'the return,' as they liked to call it, Shinji and Asuka had developed a rather odd relationship.  Too much had passed between them to ever say they were just friends, and yet, not enough had been said for them to claim that they were more.  Each knew that the other cared, yet neither was willing to probe and find out how deep the feelings went.  Essentially, they had returned to the situation they had been in before the Instrumentality Project, though there were two very important differences – Asuka had admitted that she cared for Shinji, and Shinji had reciprocated.

The problem was that admitting that you cared for someone is only a first step, and neither of them knew how to take the next.

Shinji smiled, patting her uninjured arm gently before bidding her farewell and slipping out the door.  As soon as he had gone, Asuka opened her eye, staring at the ceiling with a soft smile as she thought of his next visit.  No matter how tough she looked on the outside, she was still a little girl – a little girl who had lost much of what defined her in one awful stroke.  She had been half blinded, crippled, deformed, nearly killed, and had her purpose – her EVA – stripped from her… all in three minutes and forty-three seconds.

Taking all of this into consideration, it's a wonder she was able to smile at all.

**

Shinji spent the rest of the evening and much of the next morning and afternoon… worrying.  He knew he could do a good job (well, thought he could, anyway) but he was edgy about being that close to people he did not know.  _That's why I went for this job, he thought, pulling on a clean pair of jeans and a plain, blue tee shirt, _Misato told me once I should try to be more outgoing.  Well, if I'm washing dishes and constantly bumping into the cooks and the waiters, I won't really have a choice.__

The logic behind the decision did not make him any more enthusiastic about the idea, though, as he was still going to be surrounded by strangers.  Slipping on his shoes, he decided that it would be like his first day of school – only he would be getting paid for it.  The thought of school made him pause, his hand on the doorknob, and glance at his currently napping roommate.

_Next year,_ he thought, _next year we'll all start high-school together._

Most of their friends were already attending Tokyo-2 high, but Shinji had chosen to skip freshmen year and enter as a sophomore with Asuka and Touji, after they had recovered.  The UN made sure that there would be no problems in that regard, and had even offered all three remaining Children honorary degrees.

Asuka had refused on the grounds that she already had a degree from the Institute of Berlin, and was only interested in the social aspects of school – and furthermore, she might drop out after junior year to pursue a career, as after that she would have a firm enough grasp of Kanji and Japanese customs to make it in the private sector.   

Touji had almost accepted.  Then his friend Kensuke Aida pointed out that this would mean he would spend the next three years friendless (because HE wouldn't visit) and dateless – because he would make sure that Touji's current love interest found out about the 'Creamed Corn' incident.  Touji quickly agreed that maybe school wasn't so bad after all.

As for Shinji, he simply wanted to make it on his own, without having anything handed to him or receiving any special favors for being a former pilot – especially for being a former pilot.

"See ya later," he mumbled, shaking his head as the former Fourth Child rolled over on the couch, reaching out blindly for the television remote.

Stepping out of the building, Shinji quickly walked the two blocks to the train station, barely catching the 2:06.  He had deliberately chosen a restaurant on the far side of town, thinking: if you're going to get out of the house, why not get _out of the house_?  The rail system being what it was, he reached his destination in a little under forty-two minutes, smiling as he walked in twelve minutes early.

_Now then_

Looking around the spacious dining room, he spied a young girl in the restaurant's uniform, diligently wiping down one of the tables.  He raised his hand.  "Umm, excuse me."

"Can I help you, sir?" the girl asked cheerfully, setting the rag to the side and approaching him.

"I'm… supposed to start today," the former Third Child said hesitantly.

"You must be Shinji," the girl said, smiling kindly as she untied her apron and set it on the back of the closest booth, "I'm Sachiko, Sachiko Nataka.  Come on."  She turned away, gesturing for him to follow.

The brown-haired boy started walking, looking her over as she headed towards the back of the restaurant.  He guessed (correctly) that she was seventeen.  Her glasses framed light hazel eyes, and her shoulder-length black hair was tied back with a simple, green ribbon.  His first impression was that she wasn't a knockout, but she was attractive, and more importantly, she was polite and warm, two qualities that Shinji found incredibly appealing.

"Where are you from?" Sachiko asked as she pushed the kitchen door open, "You don't sound like you're from around here."

"I used to live in Tokyo-3," Shinji replied, looking around in wonder as the quiet of the dining area gave way to the hustle and bustle of the kitchen, "before…" he flushed slightly, "before."

"Ahh," the dark-haired girl said, nodding slowly, "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," the boy answered with a shrug, "at least I got out."

"And if you hadn't," Sachiko pointed out, "we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Shinji blinked, thinking that this was an odd statement.  Before he could comment on it, another girl approached them.  "Careful," she said with a grin, "Sachiko's got some strange ideas.  Hi," she stuck out her hand, "I'm Mizuki, nice to meet you."

As Shinji shook the other girl's offered hand, Sachiko stuck out her tongue.  "Mizuki thinks just because she's two whole years older that she has the wisdom of the ages," she said sarcastically, "but what she can't explain is why her infinite wisdom slipped and got her married so young – and just finished getting her a divorce."

"I'm sure he didn't want to know that," Mizuki said darkly, "I swear – you should learn what the word 'tact' means."

"Oh, I know what it means," the dark-haired girl said happily, "I just don't feel the need to use it with you, Takiama."

"Thanks," Mizuki said dryly.

Shinji stared at her curiously, trying to determine what color her hair was, but since it was covered by a large, red bandana, he could not quite tell.  He did notice that her eyes were a vibrant green, though.

Sachiko noticed him staring and tapped his arm discretely, waiting until he looked at her to shake her head slightly.  "Come on," she said lightly as he looked confused, "over here.  Later, Mitzu."

"See ya," the other girl replied, "and don't hog the newbie all day!"

Shinji blushed as he was led to the back of the kitchen.  "Sorry," he murmured once they were out of earshot, "I didn't mean to stare."

"It's ok," Sachiko said soothingly, "she's just kinda sensitive about it.  She thinks people are always looking at her – and if they don't know her, they are… it's only natural – people are curious, you know?"  She shrugged, "But you're gonna be working here, and it'll be awkward if you-"

"This is my new help?"

Shinji turned to find a middle-aged man with blonde hair looking him up and down. "H-hello," he stammered, unnerved by the man's deep blue eyes. Like Asuka's, he thought suddenly.

"Alexander Davies," the man said, offering his hand, "I'm the head cook here.  You're Shinji, right?"

"Yes sir," the former Third Child answered, wincing slightly as the man firmly gripped his hand, "Nice to meet you, Mister Davies."

Alexander grinned.  "Good," he said, his tone indicating satisfaction, "you already know how to address me."

Sachiko snorted.  "Alex's American – so he's got a pretty high opinion of himself," she muttered, amused, "and he likes to talk tough, but he's really a big softy."  As the man frowned, Sachiko added, "Remind me later and I'll tell you about the time we all went to see-"

"SO!" Alexander interrupted, grabbing Shinji's arm and yanking him away from the girl, "You'll probably want to get started."  He glared at Sachiko, who was laughing with delight.  "You, I'll talk to later!"

"Don't let him fool you, Shinji," the girl said with wink, "but do try to do what he says… he's been in the business a long time, and he knows everything."  She grinned, "Plus he's part-owner of this place, and the one who decides if you stay."

Shinji swallowed, taking another look at the man.  "Umm, what should I do first… Mister Davies…?"

Alexander grinned triumphantly at Sachiko, but she only laughed harder.  "First things first…"

As he was shown where everything was, Shinji nodded, making sure to memorize the locations of all the essentials.  Cleanser, towels, drying rack, hot and cold tap – he wanted to make sure that he did this right, not because very much was riding on it, but because he was tired of making mistakes.

Sachiko watched for several minutes, then headed back towards her station, wondering idly if the boy would make it past the first week.  He seemed smart enough, but washing was a lot harder than people thought.  His hands would be in a constant state of either prune-like sogginess or cracked dryness from the water washing away the essential oils that his skin produced.  Plus the fact that he would be on his feet almost the entire time, with only one ten-minute break.

"Good luck, Shinji," she muttered, tying her apron back on, "I think… you might just need it."

**

Three weeks.  That's how long it took Shinji to grow comfortable in his job.  The first week was spent in getting familiarized with his workstation and where everything went, and (much to his great pleasure) becoming a permanent employee. The other two were spent growing slowly more familiar with his coworkers.  Sachiko, he found, had a boyfriend of a year and a half named Domiyoji Miyazawa, and was very much in love with him.  He learned that Alexander was married and had two children, and was both a loving father… and a demanding taskmaster.  And he discovered that Mitzuki had been married for six months before filing for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences.

The other waiters and waitresses rarely talked to Shinji, so he did not have a chance to form an opinion of them.  They were always polite, but distant.  He suspected (and rightly so, in some cases) that they considered him an inferior form of life.

One evening as he was just finishing up, Sachiko came into the kitchen, walking straight up to him and waiting until he looked up before speaking.  "Shinji?" she asked hesitantly, "can you, umm… walk me home?  Domiyoji had to work late, and Mitzuki's already gone."

"I'm… not very safe," the brown-haired boy said slowly, blushing as he quickly added, "I mean, I probably wouldn't do much good if something happened."

The waitress smiled faintly.  "I think just having you with me would make me less appealing to any undesirables that might be lurking about," she grinned, "Of course, nothing you can do can protect me against Alexander, because-"

"I can hear you," the blonde man muttered, poking his face through the double doors leading to the dining area, "this is plastic, not lead!"

"I know," Sachiko winked.

Mumbling something about her being young enough to be his daughter, and snotty enough to be his wife's, the cook ducked back into the other room to finish his conversation with Kenji.

"So," the waitress said with a smile, "will you?"

Shinji wiped his hands on his dishrag and placed it carefully on the sink.  "Ok," he said quietly, "let me just call my roommate, and tell him I'll-"

"You can say Touji," Sachiko laughed, "I know you, Shinji."

Oddly, her light assurance didn't sit so well with the boy.  I don't think anyone does, he thought, frowning slightly as he called home, maybe Misato did.

The young woman waited while Shinji informed his friend that he would be a bit late, smiling as he stammered a denial, obviously being teased.  "All set?" she asked, cocking her head to one side and smiling as he hung up.

Since he was, they headed out into the warm night.  The walk was quiet and pleasant, and for its duration, Sachiko asked Shinji all about his life, finding the topic of Asuka greatly interesting.

"I guess I'm kinda clingy," the boy shrugged as they walked, "I just… she's one of the only friends I have left."

"I think it's cute," Sachiko said, nudging him in the ribs, "the gallant knight, vigilantly watching over his fallen love."

Shinji blushed.  "She's not exactly my love," he said softly, looking down at his feet, "I mean, I like her, but we've… never really been very close.  Emotionally, I mean."

"This is my place," the black-haired girl said suddenly, "thanks, Shinji."

Shinji nodded, relieved that the subject had been dropped.  He still wasn't quite sure what Asuka was to him.  Things had certainly gotten better between them, and he thought Asuka liked him somewhat, though just how much he did not know.  He also had a sinking suspicion that he loved her – but every time the thought came up, he pushed it aside, unable to deal with the emotions that the idea drew forth.

"Wanna come in for a sec?"

"Hmm?" Shinji blinked, "Into your house?"

"No," Sachiko replied immediately, jerking a thumb over her shoulder, "into my dumpster – it's cozy back there, and the smell reminds me of work."  She rolled her eyes as the boy gaped at her, "Yes, Shinji… into my house."  When he just stared, she sighed, grabbing his hand.  

"Come on."

The brown-haired boy let himself be led in, wondering what she wanted from him.  Once inside, he looked around.  "Very nice," he commented, "I like it."

"Thanks," the waitress replied, taking off her sweater, "Domiyoji helped me set it all up, he's really good at stuff like that – very creative.  I think you'd like him."

Shinji relaxed a bit more as she mentioned her boyfriend.  What were you thinking about? his mind teased, Asuka's right… you ARE a pervert.

"Have a seat," Sachiko said, gesturing to the couch, "I'm gonna change real fast."

"Wait, umm," the boy blushed as the girl paused, turning back to face him with a questioning look on her face, "I should get going… shouldn't I?"

Sachiko blinked.  "Well, if you want to," she said with a shrug, "I just thought maybe you'd like to hang out and talk for a while.  You do know how to talk, right?"  As the boy blushed, she giggled.  "You need to loosen up, Shinji," she said, heading for the door, "you're too tense.  Sit tight, I'll be right back."

Shinji tried to relax while she was gone, looking around the living room of the small house.  "You live here alone?" he called, unable to stand simply waiting.

His eyes lighted on an electronic keyboard as her answer floated to him through the door, "No, I have a roommate, but she works opposite shifts from me, so I hardly ever see her."  A moment later, she opened the door, coming back into the room with two cans of soda.  "We probably just missed her," she said with a shrug, offering him one, "just as well – she'd probably grill you until you wanted to scream.  She's really nice, but very, very nosy."

"You play?" Shinji asked, taking the can and nodding to the keyboard.

"No," Sachiko replied, sitting down on the couch – but taking the cushion furthest from him (to avoid giving the wrong idea), "that's Tsuzuki's.  I play the flute."  She popped the top on her drink and leaned back, further distancing herself from him, "What about you?"

Shinji boy opened his own drink, looking at her out of the corner of his eyes before answering, "I play the cello, but my roomma-, er Touji hates it, so I don't get much chance to practice.  He's home a lot."  He swallowed, looking away.  She looks different, he thought, fighting the urge to look again.

Indeed, in jeans and a loose-fitting tee shirt, Sachiko looked far different from the way he was used to seeing her – especially since she had untied the ever-present green ribbon and let her hair down so it could brush the tops of her shoulders.  She had also taken off her glasses, reminding Shinji that she wasn't blind, just a bit nearsighted.

"I always wanted to take a stringed instrument," the girl said, taking another drink and leaning forward to set her can on the small coffee table by the couch, "but I could never… something wrong?"

Shinji was sitting stock still, staring straight ahead.  "N-nothing," he managed, wondering just how red his cheeks were.

The nature of man being what it is, Shinji had been unable to resist the temptation to glance towards Sachiko as she leaned forward, and he had found – much to his combined interest and embarrassment – that she had not been wearing a bra.  He shook his head, trying unsuccessfully to rid himself of the almost burning image of her bare breast – the left, his mind insisted on noting.

Small, he thought, glancing at her from the corner of his eyes, she must wear a padded – ahh!! What am I thinking?!

"You ok?" Sachiko asked, frowning, "You look kinda pale."

"Yeah," Shinji said, "just… it's nothing, I just realized how late it is, I should-"

"Oh, don't start that 'I've gotta get going,' crap again," she cut in, blowing out a breath and making her bangs dance, "I'm not gonna bite you, I just wanna talk… get to know you a bit better."

"Get to know me?" the boy asked, still trying to fend off the images of her soft-looking skin, "How come?"

"Well, I…" the black-haired girl blushed faintly, "Ok, ok – I promised someone up at work that I would find out about you."  She shrugged as his jaw dropped, "I told her I'm not so good at quizzing people, but she made me promise.  Sorry."

"It's ok," Shinji said quietly, staring at his untouched drink, "but who-"

"Uh-uh," Sachiko cut him off, grinning, "that I can't tell you."

Why? he thought immediately, wondering why someone would ask about him.

The girl stretched, not noticing the brown-haired boy's sudden tension as the movement caused her chest to press up against her shirt, clearly outlining what he had already seen.  "Mm," she hummed, "now that you know, can I just ask questions outright instead of trying to work them into the conversation?"

Shinji blinked.  "Umm," he finally took a drink of his soda, "sure," he said, setting it down next to hers, "go ahead."  Dummy, he thought, you thought SHE wanted to know, didn't you? You are so stupid – and even if it WAS her that wanted to know, what would you do about it? She's got a boyfriend – and Asuka…

His thoughts trailed off as Sachiko went straight to the point.  "You seeing anyone?  I know you have the girl in the hospital, but you said she wasn't your girlfriend and you weren't emotionally close to her."  She grinned, "So are you just fucking her or what?"

Shinji flushed.  "N-no."

"Yeah," the waitress said, nodding, "didn't really think so.  Sorry to say this, Shinji, but I'm guessing you've never done it, am I right?  And you don't have a girlfriend at all, do you?"

The former Third Child sat silent for a long moment.  Well, he mused, I DID say she could go ahead and ask.  Finally, he sighed.  "No," he murmured, smiling faintly as he remembered a conversation he had had some time back, "I'm not too adept at, umm…"

"At what?"

Shinji's voice was low as he replied,

"Living."

Sachiko blinked, entirely confused.

"I need to go," the brown-haired boy said quietly, "thanks for the drink."

The black-haired girl got to her feet, leaning over him and putting her hands on his shoulders. "Wait!" she said quickly, running her tongue over her lips as she considered what to say.  "Don't leave, ok?  I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I just… I don't know how to talk to people sometimes, and I just go for it, you know?  I didn't mean to offend you."

Shinji forced himself to meet her eyes, trying to keep from looking down as he replied, "No, its ok, I just… I don't know how to talk to people either."

Sachiko slowly straightened.  "Will you stay?" she asked softly, "I won't say anything stupid."  She smiled suddenly, "Well… I'll try not to.  But I would like to hear more about you."

The brown-haired boy stared at his drink for a minute before nodding.  "Yeah," he said, trying to relax, "sorry I freaked out."

The waitress sank back down on the couch, sighing thankfully.  "It's me;" she said ruefully, "like Mitzu said the day you started – no tact… no tact at all."

An awkward silence fell.  Abruptly, they both reached for their sodas, their hands finding each other instead.  They looked down, then at one another, their eyes wide and startled at the unexpected contact.

Abruptly, they both laughed.

"I… I just thought of this old movie I saw," Sachiko giggled, "same thing happened in it, too!  But then they started kissing – and taking their clothes off!"  She blushed as she laughed, "I think they spilled the soda – while they were having sex on the table!"

Shinji's laughter intensified. "I think… I think I saw that one too!" he managed, "Oh… oh, man!  I haven't laughed this hard since Misato tickled me one day!"

The black-haired girl's eyes narrowed and a wicked grin spread over her features.  "Ticklish, are you?" she laughed, "Oh you are so in trouble now!!"

Shinji's eyes widened as Sachiko suddenly swung one leg over him, pinning him to the couch.  "What are you-hahahahaah!!"

His startled reaction was cut off as the girl dug her fingers into his ribcage, wriggling them unmercifully.  "You fool!!" she shrieked, "You revealed your weakness – and now you're mine! Wahahahahah!!"  

"Stop! Stop!!" Shinji begged, struggling to fight, but finding himself totally immobilized.

As gales of laughter filled the apartment, Sachiko smiled. At work he's always so serious, she thought, but when he laughs, he sounds just like Domiyoji.  Still laughing, she tickled him harder, keeping his arms firmly in place with her knees.  "You belong to me!" she shouted gleefully, "Tell me!  Tell me you're mine!  Tell me I own you, slave!!"

"Ok!!" Shinji panted, "You win!  You own me!!"

The black-haired girl giggled, letting up for a minute… then ticking him even harder.  As he writhed, she laughed, "Not good enough!!  Prove it to me!!"

"ANYTHING!!" he wailed, "I'll do anything!!"

She finally relented, breathing hard and keeping him pinned.  Still snickering, she said, "Ok, you stay here… and I'll go get the frilly pink panties I want you to wear!"  As his eyes widened, she burst into fresh laughter.

"Never!" he cried, suddenly feeling more alive than he had in months.

"You said anything!!" she protested, "Do I have to… tickle you more?!"

"No!!" he begged, trying to break free.

"You promised!!" she laughed, flexing her fingers menacingly and inching them closer, "You said anything!!"  God, she thought happily, this is so much fun… HE'S so much fun. Who would have thought?

It was exactly at that point that everything changed.

As Shinji finally recaptured his breath, Sachiko leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.  It wasn't in any way premeditated… it was more an impulse – just a knee-jerk reaction to the happiness she felt at that very moment.  She loved her boyfriend, truly and deeply, and she would never have consciously done anything to harm him – but seeing Shinji laughing, happy, and carefree, when previously he had been so glum and straight-laced… it simply triggered a reaction inside of her.

"Mm…" she hummed, holding the kiss and pushing her body up against his as laughter gave way to a soft, sub-audible gasp.  Slowly, she slid her right hand up and worked it into his hair, wanting suddenly to feel it between her fingers.  Soft, she thought, closing her eyes and tilting her head to the side, so soft.

She moaned low in her throat, leaning up slightly to free Shinji's hands, then pressing herself tightly up against him, flicking her tongue across his lips until he parted them and exploring the inside of his mouth with its tip.  Good… Lord… she thought dizzily, struggling to form a coherent thought as an unexpected rush of adrenaline and endorphins flooded her bloodstream.

Her attempt at reasoning failed completely as Shinji slid his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him, and all of her higher brain functions seemed to shut down as he tentatively slipped his right hand up under her shirt.

If you've never been in a situation like this… you cannot understand just what happens.  You can comprehend on a purely scientific level – the baser instincts take over, blood flow is redirected from the brain to other parts of the body (primarily the erogenous zones) and rational thinking becomes harder.  But unless you've experienced it yourself, you cannot truly know what it FEELS like, or how it is nearly impossible to stop once you reach a certain point.

Sachiko's heart rate shot through the roof as the brown-haired boy leaned forward, laying her on the coffee table and urging her to put her legs around him.

Neither of them noticed that the soda cans had spilled.

As Shinji pulled the dark-haired girl's shirt off, throwing it carelessly to the side before crushing her lips against his once more… his cell phone rang.

Sachiko pushed him back abruptly, breathing hard.  "I… that's your phone," she panted, her cheeks flushed with color.  Before he could reply, she twisted out from under him and rose to her feet, covering her chest.  "You should… get that." 

Shinji fumbled for the device, his face a brilliant shade of crimson.

Fuck… Sachiko thought, shame replacing lust in the blink of an eye, what am I doing?!  As Shinji finally dug the phone from his pocket, she grabbed her shirt, rushing into the other room.  She leaned up against the door, her body shaking with a mixture of desire, embarrassment, and just a touch of fear.

What if Domiyoji finds out? she thought frantically.  She shook her head, To hell with that! she added mentally, What NOW?  I just nearly FUCKED Shinji!  Hot, confused tears began coursing down her face as she realized it was true.  Another five minutes or so and she was sure they would have been doing it.  How am I going to face him when I go back in there – let alone at work every day?!

She stayed in the other room for several minutes, trying to collect herself.  Finally, she donned her shirt and opened the door, determined to just talk to him about what had happened and make sure that he understood that it had not been her intention to lead him on.

The living room was empty.

"Great," she whispered, slumping back against the wall and sliding down to the floor, "just great."

Closing her eyes, she rested her head back against the wall, letting herself fall asleep right there, one word echoing in her mind and following her relentlessly into her dreams,

Whore…

**

"Shinji here yet?"

Alexander looked up from the grill, shaking his head. "Nope," he said, "called in – friend of his got in an accident.  Won't be here tomorrow, either, and since Friday and Saturday are his days off…"

Sachiko sighed as he trailed off.  "Thanks, Alex," she murmured.

"Sure sure," the cook replied, waving a hand, "he did say he should be back on Sunday, though."  He grinned.  "Why? He owe you money or something?"

Sachiko forced a smile, knowing the man would pick up on it if she just said 'nothing.'  "Yeah," she said as lightly as she could, "we played rock paper scissors for fifty cents a pop.   Punk owes me ten grand."

Alexander laughed.  "Well," he said with a wink, "I won't tell him you're looking – I don't wanna scare him off."

"Thanks…"

As she got ready for work, Sachiko sighed.  Four days, she thought, God, I'm such an idiot!

"How did it go?" an anxious voice asked her.

Great, the black-haired girl thought darkly, when it rains it pours.  "He's single," she murmured, not raising her head, "go for it."

"Thanks Sachi!!"

Sachiko found herself feeling ill as Mitzuki hugged her from behind.  Sure! she thought bitterly, Hey, when you call to ask if he wants to go out, can you ask him if he had wet dreams too – because I needed to change my panties when I woke up. Can you do that? I really want to know.  She almost laughed out loud, but she knew it would have sounded mad.

"He's cute, isn't he?" Mitzuki giggled, "And so sweet! Yesterday…"

As the other girl gushed about her hopefully-soon-to-be-boyfriend, Sachiko sighed.  She doubted that any of Shinji's friends got hurt – no, she was sure he was avoiding her, and she couldn't blame him. If HE had been the one to start what they had done the night before, she doubted he would EVER come back to work.

At least we didn't go all the way, she thought tiredly, sure fucking DREAMT about it, though.  She blushed, feeling that it was bad enough that she had kissed him in the first place, but the dreams she had afterwards had been… vivid.

She wondered idly if she had some sort of disorder.

"Anyway," Mitzuki was saying, "I hope he says yes," she blushed faintly, "and I hope he isn't, you know, freaked out by…" she trailed off.

"He won't be," Sachiko said gently, looking at the other girl's ever-present bandana, "he's not that kind of guy.  That won't bother him."

"You think?" the other girl asked hopefully.  She smiled as Sachiko nodded.  "I hope you're right," she grinned mischievously.  "I feel kinda shameless," she admitted suddenly.

"Why?" the black-haired girl asked, confused, "For asking a boy out? That's not-"

"No, no!" Mitzuki interrupted. "Because of his age, stupid!"

Age? Sachiko thought, How old is he, anyway?  Seventeen? Eighteen?

Mizuki leaned back against her locker, sighing softly.  "I guess four years isn't all that much, but still, I-"

"He's twenty-three?" Sachiko asked, knowing even as the words left her mouth that this was not the case.  He CAN'T be fifteen, she thought dazedly, he just can't!!

"You're so funny!" her friend giggled, "Come on, we're gonna miss our whole shift if we stay here chatting like this."

The black-haired girl nodded, her eyes wide and staring.  Fifteen, she thought wonderingly, What the hell happened to you, Shinji?  What happened to make your eyes look so old…?  Sighing, she rose to her feet, tying her apron on.  Sunday, she thought, pushing thoughts of his blue eyes out of her mind, Sunday.

**

Asuka frowned slightly, biting her lower lip as she asked, "So… shouldn't you be at work or something?"

Shinji leaned back in his chair, sighing softly.  "Yeah," he said softly, "but I just didn't feel like going in today.  Too much on my mind, I guess."

The redhead studied the boy's face for a long moment, trying to summon up some of her old attitude… but therapy had been hard that day, and she couldn't quite manage it.  Instead, she met his eyes levelly and whispered, "Do you want to talk about it?"

The former Third Child smiled wanly.  Six months ago, I would have fallen out of my chair hearing you say that, he mused, averting his eyes, now I don't have the energy.  Why do I keep going?  He looked back, but Asuka's eye was focused on her right hand.  "Is it bad today?" he asked gently, choosing to push thoughts of Sachiko aside for the time being.

The German girl looked up at him, unsmiling as she replied, "It's bad every day… but yeah, it's worse today than it was last time you were here."  For a very long moment she said nothing, then she cleared her throat and whispered, "On the beach… when I touched you."

Shinji tensed, leaning forward.  "Yeah…?"

They had not talked about it before, and Shinji sometimes wondered if it had been a dream.  He had been so full of rage, lying on top of her… trying to kill her… crying like a baby when she had touched him.  When they had been found, gently embraced in the soft sand, Asuka had been on the brink of death.  The wounds that the lances had caused her were deep and cruel, and they had both been sure she was going to die.

They had not spoken as they lay there, too frightened that breaking the silence would somehow ruin the bond that had formed between them, and too frightened that every breath might be her last.

Asuka closed her good eye, taking a deep breath.  "Well, you know that I get out of here on Saturday, and I… want to stay with you… if that's ok," she said, obviously having trouble asking for that favor. "You're the only person left that knows what really happened," her eye opened and she smiled at him weakly, "and you're the only one who puts up with my shit."

Shinji leaned back, crestfallen.  "Of course," he said as levelly as he could.

He was the only person that knew what happened.  Oddly enough, everyone else seemed to have forgotten – whether deliberately or just because it was too painful to remember – what exactly happened when Instrumentality was executed.  He was more than happy at the promise of her living with him again, but he had been hoping she would tell him why she had touched him that way.

It was one of his best memories.

"I'll let you get some rest," Shinji said quietly, getting to his feet, "I'll come back tomorrow and-"

"Shinji," Asuka cut him off.

"Hmmm…?"

She looked at him for a long moment, wanting him to stay for a little longer, but not knowing how to ask without seeming needy.  Finally, she smiled faintly, pushing her concerns aside. "Don't go yet, ok?  Stay and talk to me some more…?"

Again, Shinji was taken with the change in her.  Instrumentality had changed them both – he was not as weak as he used to be, and she was not as prideful – but they were still essentially the same people. 

Change takes time, he thought, returning to his seat, but she seems to be taking less time than me.  He studied the girl's face closely, She always was stronger.  He blushed, looking down at the floor, And I'll bet SHE never would have let something like THAT happen – she would have told the guy to get the hell away from her.

The incident with Sachiko was like a dark shadow that he kept looking away from.  He knew it was there – could feel its cold touch on his skin – but he did not dare face it, because he was afraid of what he might see in its dark confines.  Would he find that he was as weak as he had always been?  Unable to stop, even though he knew she was seeing someone?  Would he see that he didn't love Asuka?  Why had he kissed Sachiko back?

Too many dark questions – with answers he was not quite sure he wanted to hear.

He had pondered telling Asuka about it, but had immediately discarded the idea.  She would definitely hate him if she knew how brazen he was, and any chance that they could ever have would disappear in a nanosecond – she had told him during Instrumentality that she only wanted him if he was hers alone.

"So are Hikari and Touji hitched yet?" Asuka asked quietly, glad that he had not run away.  He's changed too; she thought happily, now if we could both just change ENOUGH, I think… she let the thought trail off, unprepared for maybes just then.

"Not yet," Shinji answered, glad to have something to talk about, "but I think he'll ask soon – I mean, I hope he'll ask soon. I think it would make them both happy.  At least then they'd have each other."

"Awww," Asuka said, letting a note of gentle sarcasm creep into her tone to try and lighten the mood, "how sweet."

Shinji laughed, feeling some of the tension leave him.  "Well," he pointed out with a grin, "Hikari does say he has that 'sensitive side' to him."

Asuka answered his laugh with one of her own.  "I keep telling her that she's making a mistake dating him, but she's stubborn."  Her laughter subsided, and she plucked at her bed sheets, not really knowing what to say next. 

There was an awkward pause, then Shinji sighed. "I'm sure they'll be fine," he said firmly, "and I'm sure Touji will ask soon – he's… stronger than he looks."

Asuka nodded slowly, deciding to change the subject before her former (and soon to be) roommate went into a swift decline thinking about how lonely his friend was.  "How's the job?"

Shinji paled slightly, as if she had just asked if it was his secretary that she saw him with at the movies the other night when he said he was working late.  "It's going good," he said uneasily, "the people are really nice, but my hands get all dry and-"

"Shinji…"

"Yeah?"

"Are you… waiting for me?"

"What do you mean?  I'm waiting for you to get better, is that-"

"No, are you waiting for me…?"

The brown-haired boy blushed, not expecting her direct question.  "Should I…?" he asked, barely breathing.

Asuka looked away, fighting to say what she wanted to say, and not exactly knowing what that was.  "Would you…?"  How long they sat there in silence, she did not know, but it felt like forever.  Finally, Shinji got to his feet, putting his hand carefully on her injured one and smiling uncertainly.

As he opened his mouth to answer, his cell phone rang.

"You should get that," the redhead murmured, blushing faintly as he reclaimed his hand, "I'll wait."

Shinji nodded, reaching into his pocket for his ringing phone (advances in shielding had ensured that man never had to go without his cell phone while doing something as menial as having surgery).  

"Hello?"

"Shinji! Hi!"

"Mitzuki?" the former Third Child said, confused, "Is something wrong?"

Asuka frowned slightly.  Why is she calling him? she thought, confused, Is there a dish-related emergency they just can't handle?  She grinned as Shinji listened on the phone, I can just see it now, 'Mister Ikari! The sink is plugged!  Only your expertise can save-'

"You mean like a date…?"

The redhead's blood froze in her veins.

NO!

Shinji hesitated. "I don't…" he glanced at Asuka, "no, I'm not, but… uh huh…" he stared into the former Second Child's blue eye, hoping she would protest this.  Now, he thought desperately, tell me now, Asuka… should I stop?

Asuka looked away, saying nothing.

The brown-haired boy's heart sank.  "Yeah," he heard himself murmur, "I'll talk to you about it Monday, then… bye."  He hung up the phone, putting it back in his pocket, "Asuka, I-"

"I'm gonna get some sleep," the redhead cut him off, yawning expansively, "see ya."

"But-"

"Goodbye, Shinji."

As Asuka closed her eye, Shinji bowed his head.  "Bye," he said, his voice thick.  I would, he thought, heading for the door, if you want me to, Asuka, I'll wait… do you want me to? He paused, hoping she would call him back, but the only sound was her deep, even breathing.

Silently, he opened the door and walked out.

Had he waited a moment longer he would have heard her quiet, frustrated tears.

**

"He said yes!"

Sachiko paused for a moment, then continued wiping the table she was working on.  "That's great, Mitzu," she said softly, "really great."

"He was so shy!" Miztuki giggled.

Not the other night, the black-haired girl thought wryly, unless shy guys are in the habit of-

Her thought broke off as a strong pair of arms slipped around her waist.  "Hey babe…"

She shivered slightly as one of the hands moved up and discretely covered her right breast.  "Domiyoji," she gasped, feeling her body react instantly to his touch, "I told you – not in the restaurant!"

"It's after hours," her boyfriend whispered, "and Mitzuki's not gonna tell, are you?"

"Nope, my lips are sealed."

Sachiko looked around, seeing that none of the other workers were in the area.  "Not now, ok…?" she breathed, moving his hand gently down to her stomach.

"Aww," Domiyoji muttered, disappointed, "it's just a little feel – it's not like we're doing it on one of the tables or something."

"You'd like to, though, wouldn't you?" Mitzuki chimed in, giggling, "Sex fiend."

As his girlfriend blushed, trying to finish her work, the young man grinned.  "Nothing wrong with sex, Mitzu… not when you're in love."

Sachiko froze.  God hates me, she thought darkly, that's what it is – God just hates my guts.

"Don't you worry about chafing?" Mitzuki asked lightly, "I mean, I assume you know about lubricant, but really, as much as you two-"

"You're just jealous," Domiyoji cut in, "how long has it been since you got any, Mitzu?  Five months? Six?"

Mitzuki grinned.  "Well, that might change soon," she said happily, "I asked that new guy out."

"The kid?"

Sachiko bristled at her boyfriend's description of Shinji.  Why is it, she thought tiredly, that I'M the only person that didn't know he was that young?  "He's a good guy," she said, tossing the rag to the side, "you'd like him."

"You guys should go with us!" Mitzuki said suddenly, "We're gonna go see a movie, probably next weekend."

"You're on," Domiyoji replied enthusiastically before Sachiko could say a word, "he's always busy or just leaving whenever I drop by, and I wanna see what he's like."  He grinned, letting his hand once again climb up his girlfriend's shirt.  "And if my honey says I'll like him, I definitely want to meet him."

Sachiko sighed softly, letting him touch her.  Go ahead, she thought a touch bitterly, let's never forget you get everything you want.  She blushed, knowing this was an unfair thought.  Their relationship was actually very well balanced, with compromises on both sides, so to say he always got his way was entirely untrue – and she knew it.  But it felt good… it felt good to be able to feel angry with him.

It certainly beat feeling angry with herself.

"Do you want to go home?" the dark-haired boy whispered, kissing the back of her neck gently, "I haven't gotten to see you for four days. I've missed you."

Damnit, Sachiko thought, biting her lower, why am I such a loser?!  I came THIS close to cheating on him, and now…

"Yeah, let me finish cleaning up my station."

Domiyoji kissed her earlobe lightly, lowering his hands to her stomach.  "I love you," he murmured, "do you want me to help?  Make it go faster?"  He dropped his voice lower, so that it was for her ears only, "I want you… right… now."

"I can… do it," she breathed, more affected by his words than his touch, "and you can have that anytime you want it."

"Have what?" Mitzuki inquired curiously.

"It's a secret," the boy grinned, stepping back from Sachiko, "I'm gonna go talk to Alex for a few while you finish up, ok?"

Sachiko nodded, staring off into space as he walked off.  I'm so shameless, she thought, I should tell him what happened, but I'm just going to shut up and go back to my place, or his place, and… and…

"You ok, Sachiko?" Mitzuki asked, grinning slightly, "Or are you just thinking about getting off… so you can get off?"

Sachiko laughed.  "You're a pervert!" she admonished, "We're not going to run off and have sex!  We're just gonna go home and talk, maybe watch a…" she trailed off as her coworker leaned forward, pulling on an imaginary pair of boots.  "What are you doing?"

"Getting my hip-waders on," Mitzuki replied dryly, "because suddenly – I'm knee-deep in bullshit!"

They stared at each other in silence for a moment, then Sachiko burst out laughing.  "Oh shut up!" she giggled, "You're just mad you're not getting any tonight – now get out of here so I can clean up!"

"Not tonight," Mitzuki grinned, "but soon."

The dark-haired girl sobered slightly.  "You don't know that," she said softly, "I don't think he's done very much, Mitzu.  He might not be ready to-"

"Ooo!" the other girl cut her off, winking, "So I get to be the teacher?"  She smiled as her friend started to protest again, "Calm down, Sachiko," she said, turning to walk off, "I'm not going to just tear his clothes off on our first date." She averted her eyes. "But he's really nice, you know?  And if he wants to…" she trailed off, shrugging awkwardly.  "Know what I mean?"

"Yeah…"

Sachiko watched Mitzuki wander off, wondering why she should even care.  Not like he's MY boyfriend, she thought, I just… I dunno – the way he kissed me.  She shook her head, moving to the next table to be wiped down, I think he's pretty mixed up right now, and after what we did… I don't think her offering herself to him – or even just making it known that she's willing – will be a good thing.

She sighed, finishing her cleaning duties and removing her apron… and trying to remind herself that, really, it was not her business.

**

The walk to the taxi was painfully silent.  Asuka had not spoken much in the past three days, and Shinji had not made much of an effort to start conversations.  He had visited her, as promised, but they had not talked about anything deeper than the weather or their friends.  The only real interesting topic was Kensuke, who (Shinji informed Asuka) was seeing some girl, and apparently doing well, though he had been really busy when Shinji had tried to call him, and he had not wanted to be a bother, so he had not gotten much detail.

"Give me your hand," Shinji said quietly, opening the taxi door and stepping in front of her, "I'll help you."

Asuka opened her mouth to snap that she didn't need his help, but she closed it again and reached out with her good hand, frowning slightly as he carefully helped her up out of the wheelchair.  "Thanks," she mumbled, grimacing slightly in pain as she arranged herself in the backseat.

The brown-haired boy nodded, handing the wheelchair over to the nurse that had walked them out and sliding into the vehicle.  After giving his address to the driver, he leaned back, looking out the window and thinking; Well at least she didn't decide to live on her own.

As if reading his thoughts, the redhead muttered, "This is just temporary, you know – just until the doctor says I can live alone."

Shinji continued looking out the window.  "Yeah," he whispered, "I know."

"And I don't need you following me from room to room, either," Asuka added, "I'm not an invalid."

"Ok."

The former Second Child scowled.  "Are you even listening to me?!?"

The brown-haired boy turned to face her.  "I am," he assured her quietly.  Seeing her brow drawing further down, he quickly changed the subject.  "I put some of your old things in your room for you," he informed her, smiling as he added, "and Touji said, 'Tell her not to expect me to treat her any different – she's not the only one who's messed up!'"

"He's a stooge," Asuka snorted, "I hope he doesn't expect me to get things from upstairs for him. Fruitcake."

Shinji sighed.  "He's got a prosthetic."

"He'll still try and take advantage – he's a goober!"

Heaving another sigh, the former Third Child looked back out the window, wondering if having two injured, short-tempered ex-pilots in the same house was such a good idea.

Since the incident with the thirteenth angel and Unit 03, Touji Suzuhara had become a slightly more bitter person.  To his credit, it was only slightly, and only those that knew him well would have been able to spot the difference, as he had always been somewhat caustic and hard to approach.  His girlfriend, Hikari Horaki, had declared her love for him while he was in the hospital, and had stood by him tenaciously, refusing to let him get away from her after it had taken so much to bring them together.  Shinji found their relationship both endearing and incomprehensible.  Half of the time, they acted like love-struck fools, unable to keep their hands off one another (though to his knowledge, they had not slept together as of yet) and the other half, Hikari acted like a love-struck fool, and Touji acted vaguely annoyed.

What was most curious to Shinji about the second behavioral pattern was that when Touji was in his 'darker' mood, Hikari seemed to want to hold his hand, kiss him, and whisper to him even more – even smiling when Touji tried to push her away.

I'll never understand that, he thought, shaking his head as the taxi turned onto his street, it's like she's DARING him to try and get rid of her.

"What time do you work tomorrow?" Asuka asked softly.

"I don't leave home until one-thirty," Shinji replied, meeting her eyes in the reflection off the glass, "did you want to do something?"

"I wouldn't want to upset your girlfriend," the redhead replied sarcastically.

"She's not my girlfriend," the brown-haired boy said tiredly, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "when she called me, that was the first time I even knew that she liked me."

"Sure, Shinji," Asuka whispered, "sure."  She sighed as the taxi came to a stop, "I was just… oh never mind."

"No, tell me, please?"

"I… haven't been to Misato's grave yet," the redhead whispered.

"You gonna talk all day?" the driver asked, slightly amused, "It's ok by me, just let me know so I can turn the meter back on."

Both Children gave a start, and Shinji shook his head. "N-no sir, thank you."  He opened his door as the man laughed, reaching in his pocket for some bills and handing them over.  "Come on," he said softly, offering Asuka his hand once more.

For a long moment, Asuka stayed motionless.  Then she reached out with her right hand, watching Shinji's face closely as her partially metal fingers grasped his.  "What is it like?" she whispered, "am I cold, Shinji?"

Shinji boy looked down at the appendage, blushing faintly.  The damage to her arm had been extensive, and simply binding the wound had been ineffective, so the doctors had chosen to augment the limb with cybernetics.  Starting at her elbow and running down the back of each finger was a series of segmented carbon-alloy strips, housing a complicated array of the smallest, most sophisticated nanofiber wires that technology could offer, backed up by a series of miniature servomotors implanted under the skin in the elbow, wrist, and shoulder.  Though the assemblies were built in flesh-tones, they were still visible – especially when taking into account the fact that they did not tan or take in makeup.  Eighty percent of her arm was still flesh, but the rest was pure machine.

And there was no way to hide it.

"No," Shinji said softly, smiling as he deliberately grasped her hand, "you're not."

"Yeah you are," a voice behind Shinji spoke up, "maybe not your skin, but you are definitely cold, Devilgirl – and I love the bandage… nice and hospitally."

Shinji boy flinched as Asuka unconsciously tightened her grip, levering herself out of the taxi with a slight grunt and resisting the urge to touch the bandage covering her damaged eye.  "Cold like your bed, Stooge?" she shot back, "I talked to Hikari – she said you keep trying to get in her pants."  She made a pouting face, "Poor baby," she said consolingly, "guess your hand will have to do for a while longer."

Touji shrugged, leaning a bit more on his crutch.  "Yeah?" he replied lightly, "Least I can pretend it's a human I'm with.  What about you, Souryu?  When you're lying in bed, fantasizing about me, are you going to pretend I'm a robot so it feels right?"

Asuka smiled sweetly.  "Why would I have to pretend?"  She tilted her head to the side, looking thoughtfully at his left leg, "Though I might pretend you can dance…"

The former Fourth Child rolled his eyes as he turned away.  "Welcome home," he muttered, heading back into the house.

The redhead watched him go, grinning broadly at her triumph.  Abruptly, she realized that she was still holding Shinji's hand.  Releasing it, she started up the stairs to the sizable building, her smile becoming softer as Shinji followed her, still blushing.  Opening the door, she whispered,

"I'm home…"

Continued…

Author's notes:  ya know… as long as this chapter is – I got no notes!  That's right, nada! :P

Pre-read and constant hounding for updates courtesy of Ryoma, and LeperMessiah.  Ok, Ok!  I'm working on Chapter 2!! Geez!!! Get off my back!!!

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	2. Shattered Illusions The Power of a Word

Disclaimer: see part 1.

The Third Side

Side 2

Shattered Illusions/The Power of a Word

By Random1377

Touji looked up as Shinji entered the large kitchen.  "Damn," he mused, "you look like you had a good time last night."

"Had… weird dreams," Shinji muttered, walking through the kitchen to the living room, "Where's Asuka?" he inquired, his right hand resting on his pants pocket.

"Eh," Touji replied, pushing his empty plate away, "went to physical therapy – you know the drill."  He shrugged, "Gotta tune up the robo-arm every three thousand fist clenches, or something."

Shinji sat in one of the chairs in the living room as Touji joined him, reclining on the couch with a sizable belch.

"Good, was it?" Shinji asked, shaking his head in distaste.

"Leftovers from last night," Touji confirmed, patting his stomach and smiling lazily.  "Sorry… there's none left, you'll have to have cereal or something."

"I'll grab something at work," the former Third Child sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and cradling his face in his palms.  "Hope it was good at least."

"It ruled," Touji nodded, belching again, "even better with lots of salt and soy sauce."

"Salt and soy?" Shinji groaned, his culinary senses shuddering, "That's like saying salt and salt!"

"Yyyyyup!" the other boy smiled expansively.  "So," he said easily, "tell me about the dream."

"Huh?"

"The dream," Touji pressed.  "Don't play stupid! You said you had a weird dream, and I'm all for weird stuff – so spill it!"

Behind his hands, Shinji frowned.

The dream.  He could remember half of it in vivid detail, while the rest was cloudy and vague.  He could recall an apartment, and a conversation, and then… soft hair between his fingers, softer lips against his… pleas for more… giving more.  He imagined that he could still remember how it felt.

"I dreamed about Rei," he whispered.

"Yeah?" Touji replied.  "Right on! She's hot dude."  He grinned.  "Cough up the details!"

Shinji turned slightly green.  "Why did I bring this up?" he muttered.

"Because you really wanna tell me," Touji offered.  "Maybe not up here," he tapped his head, winking conspiratorially, "but deep down – you're aching to tell another guy about how you dream-did Ayanami.  It was that kind of dream, right?"

Shinji suddenly felt quite ill.

"Hey," Touji said quietly, "Go ahead and tell me, man, I won't tell anyone else… k?"

Taking a deep breath, Shinji began, his eyes growing distant as he wove the tale.

"Well, I went over to her apartment – which is hard, since it was destroyed and all – but she invited me in, and we sat down to talk.  We talked a little about my father… and she told me how he had raised her – something she never told me when she was alive.  I told her about living with Misato and Asuka, and she leaned forward and put her hand on my knee… and then…"

"And then?" Touji prompted, leaning forward in his chair in anticipation and only barely resisting the urge to add, 'You jumped her?'

Shinji swallowed, then continued. 

"At first, nothing happened.  She just kept her hand there, and we kept talking.  Then, she stopped – right in the middle of a sentence – and said, 'Do you want to kiss me?'  Well… it was a dream, I guess, right?  I nodded… and kissed her.  It kinda got strange then, cuz-"

"Ayanami just up and kissing you isn't strange?" Touji cut in, raising a hand quickly as the other boy glared at him.  "Sorry, keep going."

"Anyway," Shinji went on, "we were kissing… then we were naked on her bed.  I really don't remember taking her clothes off, or mine, but her hair… felt like… silk."  He sighed.  "And… she laid back… ran her hands over my chest… and asked me to claim her.  That's exactly what she said, 'I'm ready, Shinji… take me, please.  Claim me as your own.'"

"So," Touji murmured, "you did."

"Yeah," Shinji swallowed, "I did."

"So?"

Shinji blinked.  "What do you mean, 'So?' – this is Ayanami we're talking about!!"

"So she's dream proof?" Touji asked skeptically.  He grinned suddenly.  "Hell, I used to dream that Misato was our homeroom teacher."

Shinji brightened.  "Really?" he asked, leaning forward in his chair.  "I did too, a couple times."

"Yeah?" Touji asked, his grin becoming wolfish.  "In yours did she have you stay after class for a special… detention?"

"N-no!" Shinji cried, shivering slightly at the thought of his guardian and his best friend in… detention.

"Look," Touji said with some irritation, pushing past his favorite dream with some reluctance, "you read Freud, right?"

"Yeah, some," Shinji nodded, "last semester, with you."

"Uh huh," the other boy said with a grin, "and remember all that stuff about girls wanting to have dicks and guys all wanting to have sex with their moms?"  He waited for Shinji to nod before leaning forward and whispering, "Well you know what?  Fuck Freud.  He didn't know shit."  

"Well," Shinji said defensively, "Rei was kinda my mom… sorta."

"Shinji, Shinji, Shinji," Touji lamented, "weren't you paying attention at all?  Since you seem hell-bent on agreeing with a musty, old, dead German guy, let's look at this a little closer, shall we?  Didn't he say, flat out, that if you dream about having sex with someone, it doesn't necessarily mean that you want to have sex with them?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"And," Touji cut him off, "since Ayanami was sorta your mom, as you put it, wouldn't it be natural for you to dream about her?  Maybe?  Once in a while?"

Shinji contemplated this for a moment, staring at the floor with a small frown.  When he replied, his voice was so low that Touji had to ask him to repeat himself.  "I said I miss her," Shinji sighed, leaning back in his chair and looking up to the ceiling.  "I think that there was some kind of mistake… and she should be here instead of-"

"Oh here we go again!" Touji cut in, exasperated, "Look man – she was 'sorta' your mom, you saw her every day, and she was the first girl you saw naked."  His voice softened, "And you cared for her.  So of course you're going to dream about her from time to time – I think you'd be a freak if you didn't, actually."

"When did you get all philosophical?" Shinji inquired suddenly.

Touji scratched his nose.  "When you sit around the house all day," he said with a shrug, "you have some time to do some thinking, you know?  And since I can't exactly be the star of the basketball team anymore, I have more time to read and stuff."  He waved a hand as Shinji tried once again to apologize for his injuries.  "Anyway, the point is that sometimes a dream is just a way to remember someone, you know?  Don't let it freak you out."

There was a long moment of silence, then Shinji stood, letting out a deep sigh.  "Thanks, Touji," he said quietly.

"Don't mention it," the other boy said, "I mean it – don't mention it to anyone.  Can't have people knowing that I'm smart and stuff."

"Did I say you were?" Shinji smiled.

"Ouch!" Touji replied, laying back on the couch and folding his hands behind his head, "Ikari's fighting dirty.  I'd be shocked, but I think it's all that time you spend around Devil Girl."  He sighed and closed his eyes as Shinji tensed slightly.  "Never mind."

"Hey," Shinji asked after a moment, "can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure," Touji yawned, "Why not?"

Shinji hesitated, images from his dream insisting on comparing themselves to memories of Sachiko's apartment.  "It's… kinda personal," he murmured, half hoping that the other boy would tell him not to ask.

"Just say it!" the jock shouted, sitting up and glaring at the other boy. "Man, Kensuke was right – you are kind of a whiny little bitch."

"When did Kensuke say that?!" Shinji protested, blushing brightly.  They had visited the other boy two days prior, but he did not recall hearing anything like that – nor was Touji alone with him at any time he knew of.

"He didn't, you boob!!" Touji roared, "But damned if he wasn't thinking it when we were there!  Now ask your damn question!"

"Ok," Shinji whispered.  "How far have you gone with Hikari?"

Touji's frustration at his friend's lack of gumption was blown away in a heartbeat.  "Ummm… me and… H-Hikari…?" he stammered, totally taken off guard.  When Shinji nodded, he shrugged uncomfortably.  "We've… done a lot, I guess."  He sighed, leaning back and extending his arms on the back of the couch, getting as comfortable as he could.  "I guess I can tell you," he mused.  "You told me your dream, and I live with you and all."  He paused to formulate his thoughts, then spoke, choosing his words very carefully and looking around from time to time as if making sure no one else was listening.

"The last time we went out, I uhhh… I prayed for her – if you know what I mean.  Yeah, don't look so embarrassed – you asked to know this stuff, tough guy.  The week before that, she did it to me," he took a deep breath, smiling broadly.  "That was awesome.  But before that, we hadn't really done too much, I guess.  We'd… you know, used our hands on each other and stuff, but she'd always back off when I tried to take her panties off."

"So, ummm," Shinji asked, wondering why he'd begun this conversation, "what changed?"

"Not really sure," Touji admitted.  "We were just in her car, and she was – god, I can't believe I'm saying this to you – she was using her hand, and then she just smiled and said, 'ready?'"  He looked up at the ceiling, his voice dropping.  "I said, 'for what?' and she just smiled… and leaned down… and opened her mouth… and…" He snapped his fingers, "Just like that."

"Do you think you guys are gonna, you know… sometime soon?" Shinji inquired, fidgeting with the object in his pocket.

"No," Touji said calmly.  "Hikari told me, the very first time we really made out, that she wasn't going to have sex until she was married.  Period.  She told me that she had no problem fooling around and stuff, but if she was going to get real she was going to get real with her husband."

"So are you going to ask her to marry you?"

Touji sighed, scrubbing his right hand through his hair.  "Yeah, someday I guess," he replied.  "Or she might ask me, I don't know.  You know how she is, man, she likes to get her way and she's patient.  She'll either wait for me to ask, or just do it herself – but I'm not gonna like, ask her just so we can fuck, I'm not that shallow."

Shinji nodded, thinking that he wasn't so sure Hikari would do either.  He wasn't as close to the pigtailed girl as Asuka, but he thought that there might be a third option Hikari would consider, rather than waiting for a proposal or giving one herself: finding someone else.  It seemed a bit on the unlikely side, Shinji thought, considering how open she was with her affection for Touji, but Shinji had long ago learned never to take anything for granted.

"So is all this about that dream?" Touji asked airily, "Or are you looking for something you can use for your date this Saturday?"

Shinji flushed.  Asuka knew about the date, of course, as she had been there when he got the call from Mitzuki to ask him.  But he had almost kept the information from Touji, fearing exactly what was happening.

"It's just a first date," he protested, trying to forget the fact that the last time he had been alone with a girl, it almost led to passionate, sweat-soaked lovemaking.

"Yeah," Touji shrugged.  "Maybe you'll get lucky.  I couldn't even get more than a closed-mouthed peck from Hikari until the third date – and it was months before she let me cop a feel."

Only took me twenty minutes with Sachiko, Shinji thought suddenly, trying to push the image from his mind.

"Oh," Touji added, lying on the couch, "and I expect a full report – with details – as soon as you get home.  Understood, soldier?"

"Yes sir," Shinji laughed weakly.  "I'm gonna get to work."

"See ya…"

"See ya…"

**

Sachiko decided that this particular day… was the worst of her life.  All things considered, she led a relatively peaceful life.  All of her relatives and close friends had survived both the Second and Third Impacts, giving her no reason for grief, and her boyfriend was loving, kind, and exceedingly sweet and gentle.

But that Thursday, she was the tensest she had ever been.

It was time to stop running.  Time to stop letting Shinji avoid her, and time for her to stop avoiding what they had done.  They needed to talk, and they needed to talk right now.

It was a slow night, and Mitzuki had already gone for the day, giving Shinji a smile and wave before Alexander shoved her out the door, muttering something about ungrateful people and how they should get going when he let them leave early.  It was approaching closing time when Sachiko finally steeled her nerves enough to approach the young dishwasher.

"Shinji, can I talk to you a minute?" she asked, waiting as he dried his hands on a towel.

"Yeah," the brown-haired boy said awkwardly, tossing the towel to the side, "what's up?"

"In private?"

Shinji stiffened.  He knew that he shouldn't, he really did.  What could happen at work – and moreover, what could happen with him so tense?  When he stopped to think about it, he questioned just why he had been avoiding the waitress.  Certainly what they had done was wrong, but they both knew that, and they had each tried very hard not to touch the other.

He followed in silence as the girl led him toward the back of the restaurant and through the exit, entering the narrow alleyway and waiting until the door closed before turning to regard him.  "I don't know what it is about you," the waitress murmured softly, starting the conversation without any introduction.  "I mean, you're not my type – at all.  I don't want to offend you, Shinji, but to me, you're not that cute."  She shrugged, blushing deeply and averting her eyes.  "There isn't really a good way to say that.  I just want to be honest, and really, I don't find you very attractive."  Unconsciously leaning closer, she added, "But there's something about you – and I don't know what it is – but it makes me want to be close to you."  Feeling her pulse quickening, she looked into his confused, dark blue eyes.  "Does any of this make sense?" she asked softly.

Shinji nodded slowly, trying to look away from her, but finding himself unsuccessful.  "Yeah," he replied, finally managing to look down at the concrete between them, "you, ummm… make me forget myself, somehow – it's like, I dunno, chemistry or something."

"Yes!" Sachiko said, nodding vigorously, "Chemistry! That's it exactly!  There's just that… something between us that… that…" she trailed off, hopelessly lost for words.

"I should leave," the boy said, his voice shaking slightly, "I-"

"I don't want you to," the dark-haired girl interjected, reaching out to touch his face, "I don't want you to go – I want to know what this feeling is," she murmured.  She withdrew her hand… then slowly bought it back up.  "It scares me," she said quietly, trying to sort out what she was feeling, "but Shinji – it makes me feel so alive."  Slowly, she extended her other hand, feeling her face suffuse with color and her heart rate jump.  "I like the way it feels," she breathed, pulling him slowly closer to her, "I want to feel it again… I want more, Shinji…"

"We shouldn't," Shinji whispered, his hands unconsciously finding her waist and circling it, "I'm supposed to be going out with Mitzuki this weekend, and-"

Abruptly, Sachiko grasped the front of his shirt, pulling his face to within inches of hers.  He could feel her breath blowing across his cheek, coming in short, shaking increments – rather like a machinegun.  "The way I feel," she managed, her teeth clenched and her eyes narrowed, giving her a sinister, almost angry appearance, "I could take you right here, Shinji – just say fuck it all and do it with you right now!"  Her expression changed almost immediately to one of confusion. "And I don't know why."  Abruptly, she pushed him away, taking a quick step back.  "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Shinji assured her, folding his arms and leaning against the wall, trying to stay calm in spite of the shaking in his arms and legs.  "I understand completely.  We just… work, somehow."

"Weird, isn't it?" Sachiko mused, shaking her head.  "I've got a boyfriend, you've got… Asuka and Mitzuki to work out."  She smiled weakly.  "At least you've got enough control to know that I'm not who you should be with."

"I'd like to say I have control," Shinji said sadly, "or that I could make any really important choices in my life."  He swallowed.  "Like this weekend, for example.  I'm not with Asuka, so I shouldn't feel guilty about going out with Mitzuki – but I do."  He sighed, shrugging in defeat.  "I don't think I can choose between someone I've known for so long, but I'm not sure about, and someone that I've just met, but definitely wants to be with me."

"You'll be able to," Sachiko said quietly, "I know you will, when the time comes."

"I hope," Shinji murmured, taking a step back, "that you're right… and that I can be as strong as you."

"I'm not strong," the waitress answered hollowly, "I'm just cold.  I can push you away… I can tell you that you mean nothing… I can insult you, tell you you're not attractive to me, and then go back to my boyfriend's house and have sex with him."  She blushed, dropping her eyes, "If that's what you mean by saying I'm strong, then your definition and my definition aren't the same."

Neither of them spoke for a minute.  Sachiko fidgeted with the hem of her work skirt, staring at the ground while Shinji ran his fingers over the change in his pocket, feeling their texture and tracing the faces on the fronts.  Finally, Sachiko stepped away from the wall.  "I think I-mmmm…"

She was interrupted as Shinji put his hands on her shoulders, leaning forward and gently kissing her.  "We shouldn't be close anymore," he murmured, releasing her and taking three steps back, "it can only end up causing pain – for you, me, Domiyoji, Mitzuki, Asuka… everyone."

Sachiko shook her head slowly, unsmiling.  "No," she whispered, "that's not going to work.  We'll still see each other every day, and there's no way for us to never be alone, or close."  She met his gaze head-on.  "And I don't want it that way.  What needs to happen," she told him, "is that we just need to keep it under control.  If we can't even control this part of our lives, how can we control any other part?"  She smiled softly.  "Besides, I love hearing you laugh.  I'd be sad if I never got to hear it again, or got to be the one that makes it happen.  So how about this, Shinji: we agree, right here and now, that we won't let something like this happen again, ok?"

"I don't think I'm that strong," the boy replied shakily, "I-"

"You have to be," the waitress cut in, her voice taking on a hard edge, "and I have to be – there's no other way."  Her face softened, and she reached out, almost touching his face before slowly lowering her hand again.  "I think we can be friends," she murmured, staring at the back of her hand with a slight frown, "can't we?  I mean, are we so pathetic that we can't even manage that?  I don't think we are."

Shinji studied her face for a moment.  "Guess we'll see," he said finally, "and soon – we're all going out to the movies this weekend, remember?"

For one, horrifyingly erotic moment, Sachiko could imagine yanking Shinji into the bathroom at the theatre and having sex with him up against the door, screaming in pure, animal desire.  Then the moment passed, and she shivered, nodding.

Turning away, Shinji let out a shaky breath.  "I'm going back in," he murmured, his own thoughts running in a similar direction to the girl's – only involving the back seat of a car and a slower pace.  "On Saturday…" he trailed off, entirely at a loss for words.

Sachiko nodded.  "Yeah," she said, "Saturday."

Silently, Shinji walked away, leaving the girl to ponder their odd situation.

**

"So," Asuka whispered, "this is it, huh?  Just a few words on a shitty piece of marble… and she's gone." 

"There's nothing left," Shinji confirmed hollowly, "even this grave is nothing more than an artifice."

He looked down at where Asuka knelt, her augmented hand resting on the carved obelisk that marked the final resting place of their guardian.  He pulled his eyes away from the simple inscription, already knowing it by heart:

"Misato Katsuragi.  Beloved guardian, friend, and mother – we will never forget you."

"You wrote it, didn't you?" Asuka asked.

Shinji blinked, flushing as he realized that he had spoken the epitaph aloud.  "Yeah," he admitted, "I did."

"Stupid," the Second Child whispered, her good eye running from the inscription to the alloy strips on the backs of her fingers, "she wasn't anyone's mother.  Why did you put that there?"

Shinji cleared his throat.  "She was… kinda like a mother to me – and you, in a-"

"She was nothing like my mother," Asuka cut in flatly.

Unable to read the girl's tone, Shinji simply nodded.

"You're always doing things like that," the redhead mumbled, "always making things so deep and meaningful."  She looked up at him, neither smiling nor frowning.  "Do you know how annoying that is?  Why can't things just be what they are, Third Child?  She was your guardian – not your mother."

"Well," Shinji murmured awkwardly, "we were kinda close."

"I know."

They fell silent, each lost in memories of the purple-haired woman that had given her life to save Shinji, and by extension – everyone on Earth.  Asuka knew of the kiss Misato had given Shinji before her death, but she could not say that she cared.  Why in the world would she?  If her indecent, controlling guardian wanted to spend her last few minutes of life sucking face with one of her goddamn charges, that was her business.

"So," Asuka mused, "tomorrow's your date."

Shinji looked at her closely, but he could not interpret her expression.  "Yeah," he said cautiously.  "We're gonna go see Shadow's Fall."

"Isn't that a horror movie, Third Child?" the redhead asked skeptically, slowly lowering her hand to her lap.  "I thought you didn't like scary stories."

"Well," Shinji admitted, "they're not my favorite.  Mitzuki picked it out."

"Of course," Asuka said coolly, "Lord knows you would never make a choice."

"What do you m-"

"Forget it."

Shinji stared at his feet.  "Maybe…"

"What?" Asuka frowned as he trailed off.  "Maybe what?"

"Maybe we could… go see something next week," Shinji murmured awkwardly, "you and me."

Asuka's eyes flashed.

"Should I see if maybe Hikari wants to go out with you the week after that?" she growled.  "A different girl for every week? No!" She rose to her feet, stepping past the agitated-looking boy as her hands clenched at her sides.  "Maybe a different one for every _day_ of the week!  Forget it, Third Child; I'm not going to be your second option.  I'm going home."

Shinji bowed his head as the girl walked quickly from the graveyard.

"Why did I say yes?" he whispered miserably.

Slowly, he knelt by his guardian's grave, running one hand over the epitaph… and the other over the object in his pocket.

**

Saturday was chilly, for Tokyo-2.

Certainly, when held up against other cities, fifty-eight degrees was by no means freezing, but when the average temperature was a constant eighty to ninety, fifty-eight had a way of feeling like forty.

Shinji met Mitzuki, Sachiko, and Domiyoji at the theatre, declining the offer to have them pick him up.  He knew that Mitzuki, at least, was curious about where he and his roommates (or rather, her competition) lived, but Shinji had decided when he agreed to go out with them that he did not want Home and Work mixing.

It just felt wrong.

"Shinji!" Mitzuki called happily, waving as the boy approached the theatre and headed towards the ticket booth.  "Come on!  We already got tickets."

Shinji nodded, shivering slightly as he hurried over to the trio awaiting him.  "How much was it?" he asked, reaching for his wallet.

"Don't be silly!" Mitzuki giggled, grabbing his hand and pulling him into the lobby.

Shinji tried to protest, but he found himself unable as Domiyoji shook his hand and clapped him on the shoulder.  "Hey Ikari," he said with a grin, "finally managed to get Mitzuki out of her little shell huh?  Nice job!  We were starting to wonder if she was ever going to-"

"Let's get some seats," Mitzuki cut in, grabbing the boy by the arm, "I wanna talk to you about something I like to call – shut the hell up."  She turned to Sachiko.  "You guys grab the drinks, k?"

Sachiko immediately moved away from Shinji, heading for the concession stand without a word.  Shinji caught up a moment later, avoiding the young woman's eyes until she spoke.

"It's fine, Shinji."

Shinji started.  "Ummm… what?"

"I said it's fine," Sachiko murmured, looking over the candy in the display case.  "We can do this," she looked up and offered him a weak smile.  "Just don't lean over in the middle of the movie and slip me the tongue, and I think we'll be just fine – I know we will."

Something about the waitress's determined expression convinced Shinji that she, at least, believed what she was saying.  Nodding, he placed his order, buying two drinks and some popcorn, and followed her into the theatre.

**

True to her word, Sachiko barely looked Shinji's way.  She spent the length of the movie talking quietly with Domiyoji and giving him soft, deep kisses.

Mitzuki, on the other hand, was riveted by the cheap horror onscreen, and screamed at several of the tenser moments, grasping Shinji's arm as if by reflex.

For the last scene, she kept her hand on his arm.

"This was fun," Domiyoji said amicably as they exited the theatre.  His arm, Shinji noticed, was firmly wrapped around Sachiko's waist. "We should do it again sometime."

"Definitely!" Mitzuki agreed, nodding vigorously.

"You guys want a ride?" Sachiko inquired, leaning her head against her boyfriend's shoulder, her eyes lidded and drowsy.  "Or are you gonna walk?"

Shinji looked confused until Mitzuki said, "We'll just walk… g'night."  As they parted company, she explained, "I only live three blocks from here."

"Ahh," Shinji nodded, falling in step at the girl's side as they started to walk and offering no protest as she took his hand in hers.  He looked back over his shoulder, but Sachiko was not looking his way.

"I had a good time tonight," Mitzuki told him after they had walked a block.  "I'd like to go out again sometime."

Finding that he had no real reason to say no, Shinji simply nodded.

They fell into silence until they reached Mitzuki's street.  "I've got a tattoo," she piped up suddenly, smiling as Shinji looked at her.  "Did I ever tell you that?"

"No," the boy admitted, wondering suddenly if anyone else he knew had one.

"Sachiko's got one, too," Mitzuki grinned as if reading his mind.  "Of course, hers is in a different place."

A brief flash of memory tickled Shinji's mind.  Bare skin… quickened breath… hands covering places that should never have been uncovered.  He thought, maybe, that he could recall a line of some shape peeking out between a thumb and a forefinger, but he quickly shook his head, trying to clear the memory before it could become too much of a focus.

"Anyway," Mitzuki went on, "wanna see it?"

"Huh?"

"Here," Mitzuki sighed, "gimme your hand."  Not waiting for the boy's consent, she grabbed his hand, leading it to edge of her shirt, and under.

"W-what are you doing?" Shinji gasped.

"There," Mitzuki said with some satisfaction, "feel that?"

Shinji frowned, feeling a slightly raised pattern on the girl's skin.  "What is it?" he asked curiously as she moved his fingers over it.  "It feels like a character."

"You're so smart," the young woman grinned, keeping his hand against her skin, "it's the Chinese character for 'powerful.'  I got it the day after I filed for divorce… as a reminder that no one has power over me – I'm my own person."  She smiled as Shinji slowly drew his hand back.  "Come in for a little while?  I don't want to say goodnight yet, Shinji, ok?"

The boy stole a glance at his watch, finding that it was still rather early.  He frowned slightly as he recalled what happened the last time he had been invited into a girl's apartment.

Sensing his apprehension, Mitzuki grabbed his hand.  "Come on," she said lightly, pulling him through the door, "I want you to see my place."

Shinji swallowed.  Come on, he thought, mentally crossing his fingers, no big deal –  just a quick look around, then I'll go home.

The look around took rather longer than Shinji had anticipated, since Mitzuki's house was substantially larger than Sachiko's apartment.  She also had comments on each room, pointing out details she thought he might find interesting.  A picture in the dining room… a statue in one of the guest bedrooms… the large, four-poster bed that dominated the master bedroom.

Mitzuki smiled as her guest seemed to relax somewhat.  "Want a drink?" she asked as they finally stopped in the living room, "I've got a little bottle of amaretto I've been holding on to… I could-"

"I really shouldn't," Shinji said quickly, blushing as the waitress frowned.  "Sorry, I just don't think I want to start drinking yet."

"Fair enough," Mitzuki replied, gently pulling him down on the couch next to her, "but you have to sit a while and talk to me, since you won't join me in a drink – it's bad manners to just leave after a tour, you know."

"It is?" Shinji asked skeptically.

"It is," Mitzuki confirmed with a wink, "and besides – you haven't seen my tattoo."

Shinji blinked as the young woman pulled her shirt halfway up, turning slightly to offer him a better view of her back, and revealing the underside of the lavender bra she was wearing.  "Why… there?" he asked hesitantly, noting that if the tattoo was another inch higher she would have needed to pull her bra up too.

"Because it hurt," Mitzuki replied quietly, keeping her shirt up.  "It's right on one of my ribs… and it hurt like hell.  I wanted to make sure I would never forget that it was there – or what it was supposed to mean."  She grinned, leaning a bit closer.  "Wanna touch it again?  I like the way it feels when it gets touched.  The skin is more sensitive there."

"N-no thanks," Shinji stammered, looking away.

Mitzuki sighed and lowered her shirt, though she tried to stay as close to him as she could.  "Thanks for taking me out," she said softly, putting her hand over his.  "I'd like to go again some time, Shinji, I had a great time."

"Ummm, alright," Shinji answered uncertainly, getting to his feet.  I should talk to Asuka about this, he thought, blushing, Just to see if she… his thoughts trailed off as Mitzuki smiled, reminding him that he had no real obligation to tell the redhead anything.

"Talk to me," she whispered, keeping his hand.  "Don't leave yet."

"Ok," Shinji said hesitantly, casting around for a topic of discussion.  "I guess, I was wondering… if I could I ask you something?" 

Mitzuki nodded, smiling softly.

"Can I ask why you wear that?"

Mitzuki blushed as he tilted his head forward, indicating the bandana she wore.  "I'll show you," she whispered reluctantly.

The brown-haired boy watched with avid curiosity as the waitress reached up and slowly pulled the bandana off, revealing a head full of short purple hair, barely long enough to touch the tops of her ears.  Kinda like Misato's, he thought absently, wondering why this was a big deal to her, little bit lighter, though.

The young woman fidgeted nervously for a moment as he studied her, fighting the urge to retie her bandana and run away.  Don't make fun of me, she thought desperately, dropping her eyes, please don't call me a freak…

Shinji finally shrugged.  "Umm, ok," he murmured.

"It… doesn't bother you?" Mitzuki asked cautiously.

The former Third Child blinked in confusion.  "Why would it?" he wondered.  He had lived with a woman with purple hair, and fought beside a girl with blue hair… and for the life of him he could not understand why it was an issue.

"It's my natural color," Mitzuki explained awkwardly.

"Ok," Shinji replied, his tone clearly showing that he was still confused.

"But, but it's unnatural," Mitzuki protested, "no one has purple hair – it's just weird."

Shinji frowned slightly, getting the oddest impression that she wanted him to be upset about this.  "If you say so."

"Sit down," Mitzuki said softly.

Doing what he was told, Shinji retook his seat on the couch, noting absently that it was the same kind Sachiko owned.

Mitzuki was quiet for a long moment, deciding just how to start.  Ultimately, she concluded that the straightforward approach was best.  "I was born with this hair color," she said quietly.  "Kids in school used to make fun of me for it, but my parents wouldn't let me wear hats or dye it or anything like that – they said I had to be proud of who I am."  She sighed, running a hand through her hair.  "Then my husband… he made me dye it brown.  He said it made him sick to look at it."

"That's horrible," Shinji said honestly, "I don't think it's weird at all!"

The young woman smiled at him.  "You really don't, do you?" she asked wonderingly. 

It was odd, she mused, that her ex-husband had been so bothered by it.  She knew now, of course, that the reason he was bothered was that he didn't care about her – as a person – at all.  She was just a tool to him, a pretty little trophy to keep around the house for chores… chores and sex.

"No," Shinji shook his head, "I think it looks pretty."

Mitzuki smiled, biting her bottom lip for a moment and studying his face closely.  "It's been really hard to deal with," she said slowly, putting her hand over his, "people have made fun of me my whole life – but you don't think I should hide it, do you?"

Shinji looked down at her hand, then slowly up into her bright green eyes, shaking his head slowly. "No," he replied after a moment of quiet, feeling the slightest bit nervous as she stared at him, "I think you should be who you are.  You can handle what life throws at you – I think you're really strong."

In the time they had worked together, he had formed a pretty solid opinion of her – and that opinion didn't include images of her sniveling or whining because someone was insulting her hair color, of all things.  It wasn't that he didn't feel bad about her being teased and ridiculed, but he knew that making a big deal over it was unnecessary, as it would embarrass her.

It would embarrass her… and him, as well – because he would feel the need to comfort her and he didn't think that she wanted that, nor did he think he knew her well enough.

Mitzuki's thoughts, on the other hand, were running an entirely different direction.  "You know what I like about you?" she asked quietly, smiling as she added, "Well, I like a lot of things about you, but what I like most about you?"  Shinji shook his head.  "You always think before you speak."  She leaned forward suddenly, putting her hands on his face.  

"Another thing I like is your lips…"

Shinji's eyes widened as Mitzuki closed her eyes, kissing him softly on the lips she had just mentioned her affinity for.

"Mmmm," she hummed, breaking away slowly, "I've thought about doing that for three weeks now, Shinji."  She leaned forward again, barely grazing his lips with hers.  "Do you want to do more…?"

Shinji swallowed, feeling short of breath as what had been a rather light discussion of hair color became something entirely unexpected.  "Ummm… more?"

Mitzuki nodded, taking his hand and kissing the palm lightly.  "There's no one here," she murmured, breathing softly against his hand, "and… I think you're great, Shinji."  She smiled, placing his hand against her waist.  "So, up or down," she whispered, closing her eyes, "either way is ok."

"I…" Shinji kept his hand perfectly still, "I don't think we should," he said quietly.

"Why?" the girl asked, opening her eyes and frowning slightly, "you're not seeing anyone, right?" she waited for him to nod.  "So what's the problem?  Am I… not pretty enough for you?"

"No!" Shinji said quickly, "It's not that at all! I just…"  I want this to be with Asuka!

"I'll tell you something," Mitzuki whispered, "my husband was the first person I ever slept with, and I did it because he was so demanding and sure of himself… but he never loved me, Shinji, no matter how hard I tried, I was never good enough for him."  She reached out and gently caressed his face, smiling softly, "But you… you're always nice to me – to everyone – and I think…" she started leaning closer to him, her voice lowering as she went on, "I might… be falling for you, Shinji."

Shinji opened his mouth to reply, but found himself being kissed before he could speak.  There was nothing demanding about the way she kissed him – none of the animalistic drive that had fueled the kiss between him and Sachiko – but it was still warm, and soft, and very human.  He closed his eyes, trying to sort out his feelings.

In the cemetery, he thought, Asuka made it pretty clear that I meant nothing to her.  He tried to stay focused as Mitzuki put her hands on his chest and gently pushed back, easing him into a reclining position on the couch.  I can't keep pretending she'll ever want to be with me.

"If you're worried about work," Mitzuki whispered, breaking away and moving down to kiss his neck, "don't be – I'll keep it between us, Shinji, no one will ever know if you don't want them to."

Shinji nodded absently.  I guess I should have known, he thought tiredly, maybe… maybe I just WANTED to be in love with her.

Mitzuki moaned softly as she felt the boy's hand slowly moving against her side, resisting the urge to take his hand and guide it where she wanted it to be.  "You're perfect," she breathed, shivering slightly as his fingers once more traced her tattoo.  "God, Shinji… I've been looking for someone like you for so long."

The former Third Child said nothing, still confused about what he truly wanted – in life, and in this situation.  He couldn't contain a small gasp, however, as the young woman placed her hand on the front of his pants, slowly reaching up to grasp the tab of his zipper.

"We shouldn't… go all the way tonight," Mitzuki whispered huskily, "I don't want you to think I'm a tramp."  She finished unfastening his pants, smiling languidly, "But I do want you to know… that I want you."

Shinji decided suddenly that perhaps this wasn't the best idea, and took a breath to tell the woman that there was no rush… but before he could speak, she leaned down and gently took his breath away.

Haven't even done this, have you? Mitzuki thought as the boy gasped, I've got so many things to show you, Shinji… just be nice to me, and I'll show you how good it can be.

She forced herself to slow down, afraid that she might send him over the top too fast.  If she made it last, she reasoned, it would be far more memorable – and she wanted him to remember her.  Yes, she decided, she wanted him to think of her as much as possible, and to want to be with her.  She wanted to be his fantasy – never mind why, for now, but if she could get him to think of her when he thought of pleasure… maybe he would start thinking of her when he thought of companionship, as well.

It was a complicated, slightly skewed way to look at the world, she would admit to herself later, but she could not help but feel that it was true.  And she could not deny that she loved the sounds she was coaxing from the boy's throat – so passionate and lustful!  When they did have sex, she knew, he would be the kind of man that could not hide his pleasure.  Making love to him would be satisfying and long-lasting, because she would be able to prolong it by slowing the pace when he was getting close.

Control, her ex-husband had taught her, was everything.

She eased herself down on the couch, giving him her full attention.

"Mit…zuki…" Shinji gasped, his hands grasping the couch as he felt her increase her tempo, "you'd… better stop, or I'm going to…"

"Mmmm…" the waitress murmured, pulling away from him briefly as he gasped, unable to complete his thought, "I hope so."

A few more seconds… and it was all over.

"Let me get a towel," Mitzuki murmured, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she drew back, "we… ummm… kinda made a mess."  She blushed, smiling as she rose and headed towards the bathroom.

As soon as she was out of the room, Shinji closed his eyes, covering his face with his hands... and wondering why he had ever decided to stop Instrumentality.  It was too hard – too hard to figure life out.  He thought he understood when Asuka had touched him, but now he wasn't so sure.  Certainly, what Mitzuki had just done to him was pleasurable, but it had made him feel confused – and just the slightest bit… dirty.

Maybe more than just a bit.

"Here," the young woman offered, smiling as she returned with a small hand towel and a dry shirt, "or do you want me to do it for you?"

"That's ok," Shinji said quickly, blushing as he took the towel, "I'll just… get cleaned up in the bathroom."

Mitzuki nodded, waiting to speak until he stood, awkwardly covering himself with the towel.  "I'm sorry," she said softly, keeping her smile, "I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me, Shinji.  I just," she shrugged, "I think you're incredible… and I love being with you."  Reaching out, she ran a hand over his chest, sighing slightly, "Do you understand why I did… what I did?"

Shinji looked at the floor, shaking his head reluctantly.

"It's ok," the waitress whispered, "it doesn't really make a lot of sense – but I'll try and explain it."  She put her finger under his chin and gently raised his face, looking into his eyes as she explained, "You're… amazing, to me.  You're so quiet and shy all the time – except when you're with your friends, then when you smile…"

Shinji frowned as she trailed off, trying to make sense of what he was hearing.  I'm still me, he thought as he waited for her to continue, it's not like I'm two different people.

"When you smile," Mitzuki went on finally, placing her hand flat on his chest and giving him a brief, closed-mouthed kiss, "I can see how happy you could be, and it makes me want to be the one that gets you to smile."  Gently, she embraced him, ignoring his partial nudity.  "And it makes me think, maybe, I could be happy too."

Shinji stared over the young woman's shoulder, his eyes finding her bandana.  If only Asuka… he thought, no.  He shook his head, dismissing the thought, that's an illusion.  She's never going to be anything more than a friend – she doesn't WANT to be more than just a friend.  Time…time to let that go…

Mitzuki felt her pulse quicken as the brown-haired boy turned his head and kissed her softly.

"Can you give me a couple days?" he asked softly, looking into her bright green eyes as they parted, "I've got some stuff I've gotta work out."  He lowered his gaze, imagining that he could actually hear the illusion of a relationship with Asuka shattering in his mind, but still hoping, maybe…  "I don't want to rush into anything."

The lavender-haired girl nodded quickly.  "Of course!" she said happily, "I don't want to rush into anything either, I…" she trailed off, blushing fiercely as her hand brushed the towel.  "Well," she said awkwardly, "I don't want to rush into anything, ummm… more."  Abruptly, she stepped back, "I'll let you get cleaned up now," she murmured, suddenly embarrassed by her brazen behavior.

Shinji nodded, trying to keep himself covered as he headed towards the bathroom.  Not like she hasn't seen, he thought as he closed the door, but still.  He sighed as he cleaned himself up, refastening his pants and wrapping the hand towel in another towel before stuffing it into the hamper against the wall.  

When he emerged, Mitzuki smiled at him.  "Ummm… do you want to eat with me?" she asked timidly, balling her dampened shirt anxiously in her hands.  "You can say no, if you want."

He opened his mouth to say no, then closed it and nodded instead.  Might as well, he thought tiredly, no reason not to, right?

"Great!" the young woman beamed, "I'll cook something."

Shinji reached out, restraining her by putting a hand on her shoulder.  "Can I help?" he asked quietly, smiling as she blushed and stammered that he was her guest, and shouldn't have to do any work.  "I like cooking."

Mitzuki closed her eyes, nodding slowly.  Could I want him any more? she thought as she turned and opened them, tossing her soiled shirt carelessly through the open bathroom door before leading him into the kitchen, No… no I don't think I could.

While they cooked a simple, traditional meal, she kept stealing glances at the boy, hoping that he wouldn't make her wait too long before deciding, because somehow, knowing if he wanted to be with her had somehow become very, very important to her.

**

"Why don't you call him, Devil?" Touji yawned.  "You've got his cell number."

Asuka continued pacing (a pastime she enjoyed partaking of in front of him as often as possible) muttering, "No one asked you, moron.  I'm not going to pry."

"Uh huh," the boy replied, "but you will make me dizzy, wandering around the living room until the guy you 'hate' shows up.  Yeah, you're not prying, just-"

"Will you shut up?"

Touji leaned back on the couch, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.  "I'd say you should try decaf," he said, smiling slightly, "but you know what?  I already switched the cans when I heard you were moving in, so I know this is pure you."

Asuka finally stopped, plopping down in one of the chairs arranged around the large room.  "You're a real dick," she said levelly, "you know that?  If you're still wondering why Hikari doesn't want to sleep with you, I'll fill you in – it's because you're a pushy, know it all, asshole jerk who's so damn full of himself that he can't even say 'I love you,' when he knows that's probably all it would take to a get a proposal!"

Her nostrils flared as she waited for him to reply.  After a long moment, Touji stretched, rolling onto his side and facing the back of the couch.  "Yeah," he said quietly, "but of course – you wouldn't know anything about that, right…?"

"Don't pretend that you know me," the redhead whispered dangerously, her augmented hand unconsciously grasping the arm of the chair and leaving deep finger-marks in the wood, "I'm not like you, you loser!  I say what I mean, and I do-"

"Shut up."

"What!?"

"You heard me," the former Fourth Child murmured, still facing away from her, "you're so full of shit it makes me sick to be in the same room with you.  You think everyone buys your little 'fuck the world' line?  I've got news for you, Red – that shit may fly with people that don't know you, but I went to school with you, I fought with you, and I live with you… and the only person you're fooling is yourself."

Asuka glared at the boy's back.  "You don't know shit, Suzuhara, and you didn't fight with me, you got crushed – like the bug that you are!"  She took a deep breath, knowing her composure was long gone, and hating the feeling.  "I don't need anyone!  Least of all a sniveling, kiss-ass, fucking _loser_ like Shinji!"

For a moment, Touji said nothing.  Finally, he sat up, turning to face her.  "You know something, Souryu?" he said tiredly, shaking his head, "You and him, just…" he trailed off, his eyes widening.

"Just what!?" the redhead snapped.  When he didn't answer, she turned to see what he was staring at.

Shinji stood in the doorway, his hand still on the knob and his key still dangling from it.  His other hand was clenched into an irregular fist, clutching whatever he was holding in it to the point that his knuckles were white, and he was chewing his bottom lip absently, staring off into space with a disturbingly blank look on his face.

Fuck!  Touji and Asuka thought at the exact same time.  They rose to their feet, first Asuka, then Touji, and faced him, neither quite willing to take the first step and speak.  Before they could, Shinji nodded slowly to himself and stepped back out the door.

As it clicked shut, Touji sat back on the couch, shaking his head.

"Don't you dare," Asuka muttered as the boy opened his mouth, "not one fucking word, do you hear me?  If you even so much as start a syllable, I'll fucking crush your other leg."

Touji shrugged, leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes.  Go after him! he thought, biting his tongue so hard he thought it would bleed, Don't let him walk out like that!  GO GET HIM YOU STUPID WOMAN!

The redhead took a hesitant step towards the door, her face a study in uncertainty and pain… then abruptly changed directions and headed towards her room.

As he heard her footsteps retreating deeper into the house, Touji considered chasing Shinji himself, but he knew nothing he could say would make his friend feel better.  It had to come from Asuka, and he seriously doubted the girl would try to make any kind of apology or explanation.  In his mind, only one word described the redhead at that moment, and he whispered it to himself, trying to figure out how he could help mend what she had broken.

"Idiot."

**

A week passed, during which Shinji and Asuka spent much of their time avoiding one another, annoying Touji to no end and raising the tension level in the house to a nearly unbearable point.

Shinji went out with Mitzuki twice more, relaxing considerably as she asked nothing more from him than a simple kiss goodnight… but he could still sense her anxiety.  He knew that she was waiting for a definite reply, and the more he put her off, the worse he felt about it.

Touji was no help to him, either, as it seemed that the boy had taken a sudden interest in locking his door and sleeping whenever Shinji happened to be home.

Several times, Shinji found himself standing in front of Asuka's door, his hand raised to knock, but he could never quite bring himself to do it.  The object in his pocket seemed to grow heavier with every passing day, making him wonder if perhaps it was less a simple trinket he could not bring himself to give and more an intangible icon of his feelings.

This idea concerned him, for if it was true – what did it mean if he could not give it?

It was a Friday night when he was finally forced to make a choice.

"That one wasn't so bad," Mitzuki was saying, smiling as she brought Shinji's hand up and kissed it.  "Was it?"

Shinji shook his head, looking ahead as Mitzuki's house came into view.  "Definitely not as scary as Shadow's," he conceded.  "But next time, can we see a drama or something?"

"Sure," Mitzuki said warmly, leaning her head on his shoulder as they walked.

Silence stole over them as they neared her building, and as they came to a halt, Shinji murmured, "Well… guess this is goodnight."

Mitzuki leaned up, tilting her head expectantly until Shinji leaned forward and kissed her.  As he stepped back, she reached out and grasped his hand.

"Don't go."

Shinji blushed.  "Mitzuki, I…"

The waitress smiled gently as he trailed off, waiting until he met her gaze before whispering, "I think… I figured out what the problem is – with you and me, I mean."

"What problem?" Shinji asked halfheartedly, not truly wanting to hear.

Mitzuki laced her right hand with his left.  "You, umm… not wanting to be with me," she said quietly.

"Oh?" Shinji replied, forcing his tone to remain noncommittal.

"Well, I kinda realized that it's one of those 'all or nothing' kinda things," Mitzuki said, nervously shifting from one foot to the other, "ya know what I mean?  Like, maybe you're just thinking about it too much."

"I don't follow," Shinji murmured, though in all honesty, he did.

"What I'm saying," the girl pressed, unwilling to let it go, "is that… maybe you should just stop thinking for a little while – see what happens.  Because if you do that, maybe I can prove that I'm worth it.  Make more sense now?"

Shinji averted his eyes, nodding slowly.

"So what I was thinking," the girl said hesitantly, "what I was… wondering, is if you wanted to…" she lowered her eyes, flushing as she whispered, "stay the night."

Shinji's hand clenched in his pocket, the hard edges of the object perpetually kept there digging into his palm.  "If I do," he replied softly, pushing his sadness away as his hand slowly uncurled, "would you let me cook breakfast…?"

Mitzuki nodded slowly, sensing that this simple request meant a lot more than she could see.  "Of course."

"And," the brown-haired boy added quietly, "will you take off your bandana?"

"As soon as we get insi-"

"Now."

The waitress froze, totally unprepared for his odd demand.  Is this some kind of test? she thought, licking her lips nervously and looking around the quiet street, It's late, and there aren't that many people around…

Shinji watched as she slowly reached up and removed the cloth from her head, allowing the harsh illumination from the streetlights to shine off her purple hair. "Thank you," he said, smiling softly.

"Ummm," Mitzuki hummed, smiling weakly and trying not to look around to see how many people were staring at her, "does that mean you'll stay…?"

The former Third Child squeezed the small item one final time, then brought his hand out of his pocket, reaching out to gently caress her face.  He could feel the young woman's breath escape in a gentle sigh against his palm as he whispered his reply.

To be concluded…

Author's notes:  what was Shinji's reply?  Oh yeah, right – like I'm gonna tell before the next chapter!  Whatever!!  About Sachiko's sudden lack of interest in Shinji… well, things happen that way sometimes. *shrug* I've had it happen to myself, once or twice – one day you only want that person, the next… you could take them or leave them.  Can't relate?  Can't help ya.  :P  But I hope you're liking the story so far!

Pre-read was done by the Asuka/Shinji fangirl club president – Ryoma!! Thanks, little miss!!  Hehehe  Also lending a hand was Daniel.  Thanks going out to him as well as yon metal god LeperMessiah, who's most valuable input was, "Shit, I'd do Mitzuki!"  Yeah man… me too.  O_o

Also, for some reason I cannot fathom… fanfiction.net seems to be stripping all of my italics. -_-  Every thought SHOULD be italicized, but they're all just plain words *sigh* and I don't know why.  So sorry about that.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com, and check out this new site that's stupid eno- er, nice enough to host some of my anime reviews: www.pretentiouscryptoleague.us/


	3. The Unstable Triangle Formula

Disclaimer: see part 1

The Third Side

Side 3

The Unstable Triangle Formula

By Random1377

 "I'm home."

Asuka glanced up from the novel she was reading as Shinji came into the kitchen.  "Welcome home," she muttered, "Your stooge friend's around somewhe-" 

Shinji frowned as she cut herself off, staring at him as if he was some type of horribly deformed mutant and she was trying to deicide on the best way to kill him.  "What?  What is it?"

"What happened to you?" she asked softly, pointing to the young man's neck with a grimace of distaste.  "God, Shinji… what did you let her do to you?!"

"Why do you care?" Shinji asked defensively, trying to pull the collar of his shirt up to hide the series of bite marks that lined his throat.

"I don't," Asuka replied automatically, "I just wish you'd have some fucking self-respect!  Spending all night at that bitch's house, skipping work, coming home in the same clothes you left in, walking around with your neck covered in hickies – you're acting like a slut!"

Shinji blinked.  "A what?"

"You heard me," Asuka muttered, her augmented hand twitching slightly, "slut."  When Shinji made no reply, Asuka sneered.  "I'm giving you too much credit – you wouldn't have the balls to make a decent slut, because sluts go after what they want!"  She clenched her hands into fists as he turned away.  "Look at me, damn you!"

Shinji flinched, keeping his eyes averted as he whispered something too low for Asuka to hear.

"What was that?" she snapped.

"Why can't you just be nice to me…?" Shinji repeated softly.  "I… I thought we were friends.  We've been friends for so lo-"

"We're not friends!" Asuka cut in angrily.  "You're not the person I thought you were, Third Child, you're just a pathetic, weak-willed little boy who's so damn caught up in his own little fuck fantasies that he can't see that other people ne-" she cut herself off, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

Shinji said nothing for a moment, finally bringing his eyes up to meet hers.  "And what about you?" he whispered, his voice low and shaking with anger.  "What do you see in the mirror, Asuka?  Are you the person you wanted to be when we were lying on that beach?"

"I don't believe I'm hearing this," Asuka hissed, "how dare you question me, you little shit!"  She reached out, poking him in the chest with her forefinger.  "I came back because I wanted to live.  Not for you, not for EVA, not for anyone else but me – I came back to live, goddamn it!"

Shinji stared at her unblinkingly.  "You didn't answer my question."

"Fuck your question!" Asuka snapped.  "Why don't you ask yourself, huh?  When it was just you and me, and no one else had come back yet, and you promised me you'd always be there for me… were you already planning to start fucking anything that moved?"

"At least I can let others near me," Shinji retorted, "and it's not like this is what I wanted, you know, I wanted-"

Asuka's eyes narrowed as Shinji abruptly stopped talking and turned away once more.  "What?" she whispered coldly.  "What did you want, Shinji?"  When he kept his eyes averted, she pounded her fist on the table, making the salt shaker jump.  "Why can't you fucking look at me?!?  Damn it!  Tell me what you want, Shinji!  How the hell am I supposed to know how- you know what?  Forget it.  Just… just forget it."  She turned her back on him.  "Get out of my sight, Shinji.  You make me sick."

"Why is it my fault?"

She blinked, turning back to him.  "What was that?" she whispered incredulously.

Shinji's eyes were on the floor, but his brow was drawn down in an unmistakable frown.  "Why is it my fault?" he repeated, a hint of anger in his voice.  "How am I supposed to know what to do if no one tells me?  I'm doing the best I can… but you have to be part of it too – no matter what you say, we're supposed to be friends.  I can't do this alone."

Asuka flushed.  "Why don't you ask your little slut girlfriend for help then?"

Shinji's nostrils flared.  "Just because she treats me nice doesn't mean she's a slut," he whispered flatly, "if you were half as nice as she is, maybe we-"

The crack of Asuka's augmented hand hitting Shinji's cheek was loud and ringing, nearly sending him to the floor with its force.

"Don't you ever compare me to her!" Asuka hissed.  "Ever."

Shinji blinked, his eyes watering more from the pain in his chest than the pain in his cheek.  "I wouldn't try," he said as calmly as he could, "I've got nothing to compare her kindness to."

Asuka flinched, but could not think of a suitable reply. 

Why does it have to be this way? She thought suddenly, We should be friends.  We should be MORE than friends, damn it!  That's what I want!  I Just… I just want to be close to him – and now I can't. She averted her eyes, caught somewhere between rage and despair.  Damn it, Shinji – why couldn't you just wait for like, another week?  I was so close!  …so close.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Shinji said unevenly, rubbing his cheek with a look of dazed hurt, "I've gotta work in the morning."  He lowered his voice to a bare whisper.  "At least I know there's someone there that cares about me."

Asuka clenched her eyes closed and nodded, more to her self than him.  And when she spoke, she was not quite sure who she was talking to.

"Goddamn coward."

Shinji did not even hesitate at the redhead's whisper, choosing instead to simply walk unsteadily towards his room and barely noticing as he bumped into Touji on the way down the hall.

Touji frowned, nodding a greeting as the former Third Child trudged up the stairs.  "Ok," he muttered angrily, "that's it."

Asuka looked up as the door to the kitchen banged open.  "What do you want?" she growled, trying not to shrink away from the scowling visage of an obviously enraged, physically superior Touji Suzuhara.  "You get away from me!" she warned, raising her fists and bracing herself in case he decided to attack her.

He's lost it, she thought grimly, look at that face!  He's out of his mind.

For one, shining instant, Touji considered just walking away.  Don't get it started man, he thought grimly, it won't end good.  Just let it go.  This is between her and Shinji… just let it go.

He actually took a step back before catching himself. For weeks he had watched the redhead emotionally crucify his best friend, keeping himself from doing anything that he might later regret through sheer willpower and a grudging respect for all the girl had endured… but looking into her cold, sparkling, unremorseful sky-blue eye, he realized that the time to just let things go had long since passed.  Now it was time to take matters into his own hands.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?!"

Eight, coldly spoken words… and the storm that had been threatening for almost a month exploded in the kitchen.

"Don't you dare get sanctimonious on me, you fucking gimp!" Asuka snapped, positioning herself on the other side of the table, "Why don't you butt out for once, or do I have to hurt you first?"

"You keep saying that," Touji said flatly, pushing the kitchen door closed behind him and engaging the lock, "you ever gonna back it up?  Or are you all talk?"

"Come over here and find out," Asuka challenged, shoving one of the chairs against the wall to make more room.

Touji grinned, cracking his knuckles loudly.  "All you had to do was ask," he said, keeping the same, cruel smile on his lips as he started towards her, "I've been keeping my cool," he muttered, picking the other kitchen chair up and tossing it aside like a bundle of sticks, ignoring the sound it made as it crashed to the floor.  "I kept telling myself, 'She's been through a lot.  She's just mixed up.  She doesn't know what she's saying,' but that's all bullshit – you knew perfectly well how bad he wanted to be yours, and you still treat him like shit every fucking chance you get."

"Stay away from me," Asuka whispered, her knuckles going white as her fingernails dug into her palms, "I won't go easy on you – do you hear me?!"

Touji, it seemed, did not seem to mind the prospect of being harmed by the redhead.  Pushing the table aside, he rushed her, shrugging her quickly thrown punches off as if they were no more bothersome than insects and grasping her by the wrist, twisting her arm up behind her back and shoving her face-first into the wall next to the stove.

A servo in Asuka's arm whined as the boy applied more pressure, forcing it further back until she cried out.  "S-stop!"

"Thought you were going to hurt me," Touji whispered, reaching past her and grasping the handle of the biggest butcher knife in the block, "you're full of shit, Souryu."

Asuka fought harder as the boy drew the knife in one fluid move, bringing it up under her chin and pressing it against her throat.  "You're… crazy," she gasped, flinching as the sharp steel pressed against her delicate skin.

"Better stop struggling," Touji said softly, "I wouldn't want to slip."  He nodded as the girl froze.  "Now you listen to me, you little bitch, Shinji's been moping around here for weeks, pining over your sorry ass, and all you can do is treat him like shit!  And for what?" he hissed, itching to draw the blade across her throat, "Because he's with someone else now?  He's only dating her because you're so fucking coldhearted!  If you had ever given him a chance, you'd be with him right now, you dipshit."

"Who'd want to?" Asuka managed, swallowing several times to clear the dryness from her mouth.  "He's just a wea-"

"Don't you dare," Touji snarled, pulling the knife away from her throat to keep himself from killing her.  "I'm sick of hearing that shit!  He saved the fucking world – don't you ever say he's weak!"

Asuka closed her eye, shifting on her feet and analyzing the balance between them, a grim smile spreading on her features as she found the opening she was looking for.  "You know something, shithead?" she muttered, tilting her body subtly to the side.

"What, bitch?"

Asuka grinned wolfishly. "You just fucked up big."

"Wha-"

Grunting from the pain it caused, Asuka rolled her shoulder further up, making Touji lose his grip on her wrist.  They scuffled, each trying to gain the upper hand as they knocked into the furniture, sending dishes, silverware, and boxes and cans of food flying in every direction.  All told, the struggle for dominance lasted fifteen seconds, but by the time they were done, the kitchen looked as if a war had erupted in it, throwing it into a state of chaos unlike any seen before.

Silence prevailed for another fifteen seconds, broken only by uneven, but quietly drawn pants as the two teens struggled to regain their breath.

"Give me one good reason not to fucking kill you," Asuka whispered finally, the fingers of her augmented hand digging cruelly into Touji's throat as she pushed him against the wall with just enough force to make him wince.

"I'll give you two," Touji gasped, baring his teeth at her in a wicked smile.  "First, Hikari would fuck you up – trust me: under that cool surface, she's got a short fuse.  And second," his smile grew, "if you squeeze, I push."

Asuka frowned, glancing down as something sharp nudged her breastbone and finding the tip of the knife situated snuggly between her breasts, braced in both of the young man's hands – ready to plunge into her heart at a moment's notice.

"Stalemate."

Asuka's lips pulled back from her teeth.  "Not quite," she growled, "if I snap your neck, you'll be dead before you hit the floor."

Touji narrowed his eyes, coaxing the knife forward and taking great pleasure in watching the girl's smile falter.  "You wanna find out?"

Their eyes met, neither willing to look away as each tried to stare the other down.  "Listen to me, stooge," Asuka whispered coldly, "what's between Shinji and me is just that – between Shinji and me.  Don't get in my way again, or next time this happens you won't have time to reach the knives, get it?"

"Same goes for you," Touji whispered dangerously, "the next time you hurt him, you won't have to worry about getting your arm tuned."

Asuka's body was shaking with rage.  "Fucking asshole," she snarled, "I don't need this shit from you, him, or anyone else."  With one quick move, she released his throat, bringing her hand down on the knife and knocking it from the young man's grasp, ignoring the sound of tearing fabric as the blade rent her shirt apart.  "I'm sick of you," she hissed, taking a step back and clenching her hands into fists at her sides, "I'm sick of you, him, his little fucking slut girlfriend, this house – I'm sick of all this shit!  Fuck all of you!!"

Touji shook his head as the former Second Child whirled around and stomped off, tearing the door open and splintering the frame in her urgency to retreat.  "Fuck us?" he muttered to the empty room.  "Hey, fuck you, you little holier than thou bitch!  Shit, I never wanted you here anyway."

Gingerly touching his throat, he glanced around the decimated kitchen.

"Shinji's gonna be pissed," he mused, wondering if the other young man had heard their fight.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed away from the wall, rubbing absently at his throat as he went in search of a broom.  Sorry Shinji, he thought, shaking his head as be began to clean, but if she leaves… it'd be better for all of us – especially you.  Sometimes you just have to let it go, man.

Ignoring the sound of the redhead banging around in her room, Touji went about the task of making it look like nothing had happened, knowing full well that Asuka would be gone by nightfall.

**

Shinji sighed as he dried his hands on the small towel slung over his shoulder.  Almost time to go, he thought tiredly, glancing through the kitchen door at the empty dining room, and Mitzuki wants me to spend the night at her place again.  Man, at this rate I might as well just move in.

He shook his head, glancing up at the clock on the far wall.  "Maybe me moving out wouldn't be such a bad idea," he murmured, looking at his watch to confirm that it was indeed almost closing time, "at least that way Asuka would be rid of me."

It was only through willpower that he kept himself from reaching into his pocket to touch the object therein.  He knew he should do one of two things with it – either get rid of it, or give it to its intended recipient.  If he kept holding onto it, he was afraid it might drive him insane.

"Hey, Shinji." 

The sound of Alexander's voice brought his attention back to his surroundings.

"Come over here for a second, I wanna show you something." Shinji did what he was told, waiting as the blonde man sketched something on the piece of paper with the food order from the day before on the other side.  "What do you see?" he asked, pushing the paper across the table to Shinji.

The boy looked down.  "Ummm… it's a triangle," he replied uncertainly.

"Very good," the older man said with a grin, "now, tell me: what's wrong with it?"

Shinji looked closer, shrugging as he answered, "One of the sides is shorter, I guess."

"Right again," Alexander nodded, "so here's the next question, my young friend," he met Shinji's eyes, his tone growing serious, "if you tried to stand this up, what would happen?"

Shinji pondered the paper for a minute, wondering what this was really all about.  "Depending on what it was made of," he said slowly, "it would stand for a while, then the weaker side would give out, I guess."

"It would," the cook confirmed, "so… from all of this we can deduce that a triangle with one side that's not as, let's say dedicated, is unstable and dangerous, right?"  When Shinji nodded, the older man lowered his voice, "Are you that side, Shinji?"

"I… don't understand."

Alexander sighed, leaning back in his chair and looking at the boy closely.  "I know something's going on with you and Mitzuki," he said quietly, "she's too goofy and gushy when you're around.  And I know something is going on – or went on – with you and Sachiko, because every time Domiyoji comes in to visit her, she looks to make sure you're not nearby before kissing him, but she's not all happy like Mitzu is."

Shinji blushed, glancing at where the two girls were talking to each other on the far side of the restaurant.  "It's hard to explain," he said awkwardly, looking back to the older man, "but Sachiko's faithful, I can tell you that."

"Yeah," the blonde man said, nodding approvingly, "I never pegged her as the cheating kind – and I don't expect you to spill your guts to me, Shinji, you hardly know me… but I do want to give you some advice, ok?"  He waited for the boy to give him an affirmative before taking a deep breath.  "An uneven triangle is a dangerous thing – especially when it's made of people.  Someone always, always ends up getting hurt if the weaker side gives out.  I know all three of you, I work with all three of you, and I'd hate to see any of you end up in pain."

He sighed, shaking his head as the boy shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other.  "I'm not saying this is all your fault," he said gently, "I doubt you went out of your way to involve yourself with either of them – you don't seem like the kind to chase after girls, am I right?"  He looked down at the paper as Shinji nodded.  "But how it got started kinda doesn't matter," he said softly, "you know?  It's happening, they're involved, you're involved, and it's going to end badly if you can't find the strength to be one of the stronger sides."

He blinked as a new factor was added to the equation in the form of a slender redhead.  The girl entered the restaurant, by chance (or design, Alexander was never sure) she found Mitzuki and Sachiko… and he could hear Shinji's name mentioned, even from across the room.

"And I think," he said quietly, nodding to where the three girls were talking, "your job just got a whole lot harder."

**

Asuka walked into the Golden Temple with a frown.  Decent place, she thought, looking around.  Spying two waitresses talking to one another, she clenched her hand into a determined fist.  "Where can I find Shinji?" she asked, walking up to the duo without bothering to greet them.

"Shinji…?" the girl with the bandana echoed, blinking slightly, "Who are you?"

The redhead narrowed her eyes, but before she could snap, the dark-haired girl whispered, "Asuka… you're Asuka, aren't you?"

"And I'm guessing, you're Sachiko," Asuka replied, folding her arms over her breasts and assessing the older girl, "am I right?"  She looked closer at the other waitress, "And I suppose you're Mitzuki."  The older girl, she noticed, was bristling visibly, frowning as she looked her up and down.

Sachiko wet her lips, looking from one girl to the other. Oh, this is bad, she thought as the two stared at each other, the redhead's single blue eye glittering with disapproval, I should find Shinji before it gets out of control.  Out of control was exactly where the situation was headed, in her opinion.  From experience, she knew that Mitzuki was fiercely possessive of things she deemed hers… and Shinji was, without a doubt, hers.  She also knew from talking to Shinji that Asuka could be very short-tempered and belligerent, and she suspected, from the way she was acting right now, that she was more than a little possessive herself.

"What do you want?" Mitzuki asked flatly, not bothering to hide her attitude, "You can't call, or wait until he gets home?  What's so damn important that you have to come down here and throw-"

"Watch it," Asuka cut her off coldly, "before you end up saying something that's gonna get you hurt.  Why I'm here is none of your business, just tell me where-"

"Shinji," Sachiko said suddenly, "your roommate is here to see you."

All eyes focussed on Shinji as he approached the trio, an uncertain look on his face.  "Asuka," he said, swallowing uncomfortably at all the attention, "hi."

The redhead shifted her gaze from the waitress to the former Third Child.  "Shinji," she said flatly, "I need to talk to you.  Now."

"Ok, I'll just…" he trailed off as her brow came down, "coming."

"You don't have to go anywhere with her, honey," Mitzuki said calmly, reaching out to take Shinji's arm, "you're still on the clock."

Sachiko took a careful step back, wondering if she really could see sparks flying between the two or if it was just her imagination.  She stood indecisive, glancing at the three others as an eerie silence stole over them.  I can't side with Asuka, she thought pensively, Mitzuki's my friend… and I work with her.  But I can't side with Mitzuki – she's being totally unreasonable, and Asuka must have a good reason for being here, because from what Shinji's told me, she's not the kind to just up and start trouble for NO reason.  Frowning slightly, she chose her side – the side she should have picked without a second thought.

"Shinji," the dark-haired girl said quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder, "remember what you told me in the alley?"  She ignored the other two girl's surprised (and suspicious) glances and waited for the boy to reluctantly nod before telling him softly, "Now is that time, Shinji."

"What are you talking about, Sachiko?" Mitzuki asked slowly, eyeing her friend with something akin to open hostility, "Why are you taking my boyfriend into alleys?"

At the word boyfriend, Asuka visibly… clenched.  Her entire body seemed to go ridged, and her eye narrowed to a slit.  

"Shinji," Sachiko murmured, ignoring Mitzuki's query, "honesty, remember?  You said-"

"I've heard just about enough of this shit!" Mitzuki cut in angrily, "'Honesty,' Sachiko?  Like, this honesty?"

Sachiko winced as the other girl jabbed her forefinger into her chest.  "Mitzu," she said quickly, licking her lips, "It's not what you-"

"Shut up, you little whore!" Mitzuki snapped, tightening her hold on Shinji's arm.  "You tried to steal him from me, didn't you?  Don't lie to me! I can see it all over your face!  I can't believe you, you bitch!!"

"Shinji?" Sachiko said unevenly, trying to focus only on his eyes, "In my apartment… when we kissed," Asuka and Mitzuki both gasped, but Sachiko hurried on.  "I felt something… it was hot, and it was incredible, but it wasn't love, Shinji!  I finally figured out what I see in you – I see your love of others, and I want to be like that, don't you understand?  You have to choose now, Shinji!  Honesty – you said that's what was most important to-"

"I'm leaving," Asuka cut in coldly, "That's all I came here to tell you, Shinji.  I'm leaving tonight."  She nodded as Shinji gaped at her.  "That's right.  I can't stand seeing you with someone else, Shinji – are you happy now?  You've finally gotten me to say I love you, you fucking asshole!"  She turned away.  "Goodbye."

"Wait!" Shinji called, moving to follow her.

"What are you doing!?" Mitzuki gasped, holding him firmly as he tried to walk away.  "Let her go, Shinji!  I can make you happy – you don't need her!!"

Sachiko flushed as Shinji turned his eyes to her.  "Honesty," she whispered softly, trying not to see the angry glare Mitzuki gave her as she too turned away.

"Mitzuki," Shinji began, "I… need to talk to Asuka, I-"

"WHY?" Mitzuki shouted frantically.  "Just be mine, Shinji!  That's all you have to do.  I'll make you so happy – just stay mine!  Stay with me."  Her face crumpled as Sachiko shook her head and walked away.  She leaned forward and kissed Shinji gently, closing her eyes as their lips met.  "I never had you," she breathed as they parted, keeping her eyes closed as she pressed her forehead to his and draped her arms over his shoulders, "did I…?"

Shinji's silence was the only reply she needed.

"Please leave now, Shinji," she whispered, stepping away from him and letting her arms fall to her sides, "please."

"But I-"

"Don't say anything.  I don't want to hear you say you're sorry, and I don't want to hear you rationalize anything we've done together." A single tear ran from each still-closed eye as she lowered her voice.  "And I don't want to see your face," she said, her voice breaking, "and I don't want you to touch me and try and make it ok, do you understand?  I just… I want to be alone."

Listening to her own, uneven breathing, the waitress could easily make out the sound of the brown-haired boy first shifting from one foot to the other, then slowly walking towards the door.  As it opened, then closed, Mitzuki slowly sank down to the floor, keeping her eyes closed and trying to pretend that she had ever had a place in Shinji Ikari's heart.

**

Halfway, Asuka thought angrily, stuffing another pair of jeans into a suitcase, halfway done.  Few more essentials, and I'm done – I can come back for the rest.  She shook her head.  "God," she muttered, "I should have fucking known.  Even if I had said it sooner, it wouldn't have been enough."

"A-Asuka?"

She looked up briefly as Shinji pushed the door open, resting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath.  "What do you want?" she muttered, "Trying to get a third girl in bed with you?  Well, sorry – I'm not a slut like them… pervert."

"It's… not like that," Shinji gasped, "Sachiko… I… we just kissed once… she's… got a boyfriend."

Asuka laughed mirthlessly.  "Oh that makes everything ok!" she snorted.  "'I'm only cheating on you with one girl, honey, it's no big deal!'"

"Cheating?" Shinji echoed.

"Why didn't you wait for me?!?" Asuka shouted suddenly, throwing a pair of gym shorts at the startled boy.  "You KNEW damnit!!  You knew I loved you!!"

"I didn't," Shinji replied honestly, "I really didn't, Asuka.  I wanted you too, but I-"

"Just go away," the redhead muttered, "I don't wanna hear your lame excuses anymore."

Shinji scrubbed his right hand through his hair, watching her pack her things in panicked silence for a moment. If I let her go, he thought frantically, I'll never see her again… I'll never have a chance to be close to her.

His panic suddenly fell away, replaced by a mixture of determination and anger.  "You're not going to leave," he whispered, "not like this."

"What are you-?"

Asuka's surprised question was cut off as Shinji grabbed her by the upper arm and spun her around, staring into her eye as he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her.

"Hmph??" 

The former Second Child's startled yelp only served to harden Shinji's resolve, and rather than releasing her, he held her tighter, pinning her arms to her sides as she struggled and gently sucking her bottom lip into his mouth.  His grip loosened slightly as the fight slowly drained out of her, her movements becoming slower and less urgent even as her breathing grew more rapid.

As he continued to kiss her, Asuka's arms slowly fell to her sides, the urge to fend him off gone like it had never been.  When he finally released her arms, sliding his hands around her slender waist, she took the opportunity… to slap him.

"Don't you ever," she whispered as he broke away, his eyes wide as he touched the angry red hand print on his cheek, "ever try and hold me down again, do you understand?"  As he nodded his understanding, she stared into his face, searching it closely before speaking.  "What do you want, Shinji?" she asked plainly, making no move to push him away, but not encouraging him either, "Tell me now… no more games… no more running away… what…do you… want…?"

Shinji nodded again, all of the uncertainty leaving his features as he replied softly,

"I want you."

"Think it's that easy, do you?" Asuka said softly, holding his gaze, "Just three words, and I fall into your arms, confessing my love for you?  Just… forget this whole little fucked up dating thing and just let myself be yours?"

Shinji stared back at her, his tone entirely level and calm as he whispered,

"Yes."

The redhead considered his calm demeanor for a moment, trying to decide if there was any humor in his statement whatsoever.  When he made no further comment, she asked, "What would you do with me then, Shinji?  We're all alone."  She lowered her voice, idly running her forefinger across his chest, unsure herself if she was teasing or serious.  "Tell me what you would do if I said what you want me to say."

Shinji nodded slowly.  He had gone over how he would confess his feelings for her, down to the exact wording… but he had not counted on her level reaction – or the way she watched him so closely, seeking any falsehood or dishonesty.  Realizing that all of his planning had been for naught, he decided to fly by instinct and see where it might lead.

"I would… want to test your theory on thermal expansion," Shinji murmured, amazed that his voice was so level when speaking those bold, almost challenging words.

Asuka's eye widened, and her finger stopped its slow movement across his thin torso.  "And you think I'll let you?" she murmured, leaning back and letting the wall support her, "you think I'd let some pervert like you just… just…"

She trailed off, shivering slightly as she felt his right hand slowly sliding up her side, pulling her shirt up as it went.  She gasped softly as he gently cupped her breast, never once looking away from her eye.  "Yes," he whispered, slowly exploring the soft skin under his palm, "I think you would let… me."

As confident as he sounded, Shinji's heart was beating at least twice its normal speed, and he was using all of his concentration to keep his breathing and voice level.  He knew what he was doing was tantamount to insanity, but he felt it was worth the risk of bodily injury, if only she would understand and acknowledge that he wasn't just toying with her.

"And… and if I told you to stop touching me and get out?" Asuka stammered, trying to stay rational as he continued to gently caress her.

"I'd be sad," the boy whispered, very slowly reaching out and touching her face with his free hand, "but I would stop.  I want to be with you, Asuka… I want all of you."  He smiled, moving his hand down from her breast to one of the seven scars on her body and tracing it gently, "if I can't have you all," he breathed, "then I don't want you."

The redhead trembled as the boy moved his hand from one scar to the next… and then the next… diligently examining the wounds with his fingertips.  "If I said I want the same thing," she asked, her voice barely audible, "do you think it will change who I am?  Do you think us being together would make the world a magical, shining place?"  She smiled bitterly, suppressing her tears with brutal force.  "Do you think it would bring Misato back?" she asked cruelly, "Or give me back my eye?  Or my arm?"

For a long moment, Shinji said nothing.  Then, just as Asuka was on the brink of pushing him away and telling him to leave, he murmured, "No, I don't."  He slowly leaned forward, giving her ample opportunity to move away, and kissed her softly on the lips.  "I don't want to change who you are," he said gently as he broke away, "and I don't think anything that's been lost will magically come back.  What I do know," he whispered, still touching her scars, "is that…"

"Yes?" she prompted as he trailed off, believing wholeheartedly that he was going to say 'I love you.'

Shinji surprised her by instead confessing, "You make me happy.  When we're together, I feel like nothing else in the world matters.  I'd tell you I love you," he said softly, smiling a bit as he dropped his eyes, "but I think, maybe… you already know."

So there it is, Asuka thought, completely uncertain, he just said he loves me – no, she corrected herself, he didn't say it, she smiled, and I guess he didn't really have to.

She blinked as Shinji carefully ran the ball of his thumb under her eye, wiping the dampness that had been gathering there on his shirt.  

"You don't have to cry."

The redhead nodded, blushing faintly at her display of weakness.  Deliberately, she took his hand and held it over the scar on her lower abdomen.  "You know," she said flatly, holding his gaze, "that it might take a long time for me to be able to give you everything that I am, right?"

"Yeah, I know," the former Third Child replied, slowly outlining the damaged tissue.

"You said you wanted all of me," Asuka whispered, slowly extending her right hand and brushing the backs of partially synthetic fingers across his cheek, "but I can't give you that – not all at once.  You'll have to be patient with me, and let me work it all out, and let me just… just…"

Shinji simply nodded as she trailed off, taking her hand and keeping it against his face.

Pulling her hand away, Asuka slid her arms over his shoulders, pulling his lips back to hers to kiss him deeply.  "If I give you all of me," she breathed, resting her head on his shoulder, "I'll want the same from you, Shinji.  I want to know – I need to know – that you're all mine."

"I'll show you."

So saying, Shinji reached down and gently grasped the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up carefully and watching for any sign of hesitance or disapproval from the girl.  Asuka closed her eye, putting her arms up over her head and allowing him to render her topless.  She kept her eye tightly closed as she felt his fingers once again moving over her skin, avoiding the most sensitive spots, for the time being, and simply familiarizing himself with her body.

"Did you go this far with Mitzuki…?" she whispered.

She waited in silence for over a minute, frowning slightly as he said nothing.  When she opened her eye to find out why, she found him smiling softly.  "I'm not going to tell you," he said gently, sliding his hands around to caress her back, "because you don't really want to know, one way or the other."  She opened her mouth to protest, but he kissed her before she could, pressing himself up against her and letting his hand move down to cover her rear.

When he finally let her speak again, Asuka smiled.  "You're a jerk," she murmured, blushing as she un-tucked his shirt.

"Maybe," Shinji retorted, slipping a finger into the hem of her pants and slowly sliding it around to the front.

The redhead found her breathing becoming a touch erratic as the boy slowly unfastened her jeans, drawing the zipper down with delicious slowness.  "Don't hurt me," she whispered suddenly, laying her hand over his as he parted the front of her pants, revealing the top of her red and white striped panties.  "I mean, I know it's going to hurt," she clarified, blushing deeper, "but – don't hurt me, Shinji."

The former Third Child made no reply, he simply smiled and knelt in front of her, carefully drawing her jeans down.

As gently as he could, Shinji showed her exactly what she meant to him…

**

Asuka woke feeling stiff.  She groaned as she felt the hard floor digging into her hipbone.  "Next time," she whispered, blinking in the darkness as she found Shinji's sleeping face inches from hers, "we do it in bed."

As she was about to lay her head against his chest, she became aware of the sound of a third person's breathing in the room, blinking harder, she looked up to the bed and found Touji looking back at her.

"Don't say anything," the former Fourth Child whispered as the redhead opened her mouth, frowning deeply, "you'll wake up loverboy."

"What do you want?" Asuka demanded, ignoring his advice.  "And where's your knife?"

Touji raised his hands, the smile he had been wearing giving way to a serious expression.  "What do I want…?" he mused, "Well, I'll tell you, Souryu… what I want is to see my friend happy."  He leaned down, his eyes intense as he studied her face in the near-dark.  "Are you going to make that happen?" he asked softly, "Or are you going to crush him again?"

The girl flushed, averting her eye.  "Go fuck yourself, Suzuhara," she whispered, feeling Shinji stir slightly.

The dark haired boy waited until his friend stilled once more before speaking.  "I'm not kidding, Red," he whispered, "you and I know that a simple fuck doesn't mean shit… so tell me: did you fuck him?  Or was it more?"

"It's none of your goddamned bus-"

"The hell it isn't!" Touji hissed, his eyes flashing, "I may not be the best guy to have around.  Yeah, I'm lazy… yeah, I have some problems with my girl – but you know something?  I don't lie – not to my friends, and I sure as hell don't lie to the people I love.  Now tell me, do you-"

"Shut up," Asuka whispered tiredly, "Ok?  Just… shut up."  She laid her head down on Shinji's chest, closing her eye.  "What do you want to hear, Fourth Child?  Huh?  That I'll always love him?  How the fuck should I know?  No one besides my mother has ever shown me that they care… just her and him."  She lowered her voice, "I think I will… I mean, I think about him all the time, I want to be close to him."  She blushed, "I let him make love to me, but tomorrow?  Next week?  A year from now…?"

As she trailed off, Touji sighed.  "What you're looking for," he told her calmly, "it doesn't exist, Asuka.  You want the sure thing – you want to know that he'll always love you and you'll always love him, but you know something?  That's a dream.  You can't spend your whole life wondering if he's going to leave in the morning… or if you're going to wake up one day and realize that it was all in your head – you've got to live for now, and fuck the rest."

"You're so full of shit," the redhead whispered, her body shaking as a tear slid down her cheek, "you think you know so damn much with your, 'Oh, love's no big deal to me, I can take it or leave it' bullshit!  You can't even fucking talk to your girlfriend about what you want because you're too busy living your little fucked up here-and-now fantasy, well I got news for you, shithead, Hikari's gonna dump your ass.  You think you can just live for the now?  Try it when you're all alone, fucker!"

"You know what I think?" Shinji said softly, startling both of the other Children, "I think maybe you should both calm down and think about what you're saying."  As they gaped at him, he continued, keeping his eyes closed as he spoke.  "I'm not the smartest guy around," he said slowly, "but I know that I love Asuka.  I know that all the time I spent trying to rationalize the reasons she wouldn't tell me she loved me first, and wondering if maybe it was all in my mind… I'll never get back."  

He opened his eyes, staring up at the ceiling as he went on.  "Asuka will never be my first," he said regretfully, "I can't get that back either, and I rushed into it with someone else because I was too cowardly to tell her I loved her first… but I'll tell you something – she can sure as hell be my only, from now on.  And I can tell her, honestly, without a doubt, that right now I love her with all my heart and soul."  He sighed.  "I know it sounds corny, but if that's all I've got, it has to be enough.  I can't say it will last forever, but I'll be damned if I give up on it before it even starts."

"What the fuck was that?" Touji asked after a moment of silence, "You trying to say we should just shut up and stop fighting about which of us is right?"

"No," Shinji replied immediately, "I'm saying she shouldn't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, and you should!  Touji," he said sadly, "I love you like a brother, but if you don't shut the fuck up and tell Hikari that you love her, you're going to end up single… and soon.  She's running out of patience, anyone can see that.  You know you love her, and you know she loves you – so just fucking say it already!!"

The former Second and Fourth Children stared open-mouthed at the normally quiet Third, taking in the deep scowl on his face as he looked from one to the other.  Asuka looked at Touji, who looked back and shrugged slightly.

Abruptly, the two started laughing.

"What?" Shinji demanded, blushing as his determined look faded away, "What's so funny?"

"You," Asuka giggled, hugging him tightly, "you're so serious!"  Her voice lowered and she feigned a frown, "'Tell that girl you love her, son, or she's gonna leave you!'"

Touji howled, holding his sides and doubling over on the bed.

"It's not funny," Shinji grumbled.  "It's not funn-"

He was cut off as Asuka kissed him gently.  "Shhh," she whispered as they parted, "you're sweet, Shinji."

Touji rose from the bed.  "Here," he said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes and chuckling again.  "You guys get dressed, I gotta go make a call."

Shinji blinked in confusion as Asuka waited for the Fourth to close to door, then got to her feet, stifling a groan of pain as she stretched.  "Where are we going?" he asked, exasperated.

"Mmmm," Asuka hummed, smiling, "you're such a dork.  We're going out with Touji and Hikari, dummy."

"We are?"

"We are."

"Why?"

The redhead smiled softly.  "I think you know," she said quietly.

"Yeah… I guess I do."

Shinji got to his feet, heading towards the bathroom.  "Asuka," he said softly, pausing at the door

"Yeah?"

"You're not going to leave… are you?"

For a very long moment, there was only silence behind him.  He thought about all that had happened since the angels had been defeated, from the beach, to Sachiko, to Mitzuki, to last night, it flashed through his mind like a flare in the darkness of a moonless night.  He knew that the redhead was scared – even if she would never admit it – and that the idea of letting anyone close to her was still terrifying to her, even after all they had been through and done together.

But he also knew that he was happy with her, and that, even though he said he couldn't truly promise her forever… he would: just to see her smile.

"No, Shinji," Asuka whispered softly, "I'm not – not unless you tell me too."

Shinji smiled. "Then I guess," he mused, "you'll have to stay here forever."

"Guess so."

He smiled.  "I'll get dressed now," he whispered, opening the bathroom door.

"You do that," Asuka replied softly, smiling as she added, "I'll be here, Shinji."

Shinji nodded, knowing that she meant more than just when he got out of the bathroom.

"I know."

Epilogue

"So I've decided to focus on school," Shinji was saying, "I'm sorry, Mister Davies."

"It's alright," Alexander replied, shrugging slightly.  "I understand life's gotta come first."

"Thanks…" Shinji murmured, taking Asuka's hand in his.  "Tell Mister Arima I said sorry."  As he turned for the door, he added, "And tell… Mitzuki and Sachiko I said bye.  I saw them in the dinning room, but I didn't want to bother them."

"You're the best damn dishwasher I've ever had," Alexander said with a sigh.

"I am?" Shinji replied, his voice filled with wonder.

"Actually," the man answered, "no.  But you were pretty good."  They looked at each other for a moment, then broke into laughter.  "Honestly, though," the cook said, sobering slightly and offering the younger man his hand, "it was a pleasure to work with you.  I hope things turn out well for you, Shinji."

The former Third Child smiled, taking the offered hand.  "Thank you, Mister Davies," he said softly, "I hope things turn out well for you, too."

"You can call me Alex now."

Shinji's smile grew slightly, and he nodded.  "Alright, Alex."  He reclaimed his hand, taking a deep breath.  "Well," he said awkwardly, "I guess we should get going.  Take care."

"You too, Shinji," Alexander replied, shifting his smile to Asuka and inclining his head slightly, "and you."

"Thank you," Asuka answered, returning his nod and turning for the door.

"Hey Shinji?"

As Asuka stepped out of the room, Shinji paused, turning back to face the cook.  "Yeah?"

"I'm glad you weren't that side."

Shinji considered this for a moment before nodding slowly and turning away once more.  "Yeah, me too."

Stepping out of the kitchen, the couple nearly ran into Mitzuki.  "I'm glad I caught you," she murmured awkwardly, "I… wanted to give you this."

Shinji blushed, avoiding her eyes.  "You don't have to give-"

He broke off as the young woman slowly reached up and pulled the bandana off her head, holding it out to him.  "Will you take this?" she asked quietly, "And think of me sometimes…?"

Shinji swallowed, looking around at the assorted people in the restaurant.  I wish, he thought, looking down at the floor between them, that I could ever be that strong.

Mitzuki smiled as Shinji reached out, his fingers grazing hers as he took the small cloth.  "Being with you was… nice," she whispered softly, flushing as she shifted her gaze to Asuka, easily picking out the white cross necklace Shinji always carried around with him.  "I hope you know how lucky you are."

Asuka nodded, looking away from the girl and absently caressing Misato's old pendant, the only remaining memento of her secretly-admired guardian.  "Come on, Shinji," she murmured, slipping her arm through his and starting for the door.  Taking a look back over her shoulder at the girl, she commented, "Her hair looks like Misato's."

"Misato's was darker," Shinji said softly, trying to push past the memory of the disappointed look on the girl's face, and the knowledge that he had caused it – on purpose or not.

"Not when she was younger," the redhead shrugged, "she showed me a picture of herself when she was about twenty – her hair was the same color as that girl's."

The former Third Child froze, turning slowly to look back at the waitress as she took someone's order.

"What's up?" Asuka asked, following his line of sight.

Mitzuki glanced up, smiling and waving briefly before going back to her duties.

"Nothing," Shinji whispered softly, suddenly recalling the feel of his guardian's lips on his, moments before her death.  "Let's go."

"Do you have a minute before you leave?"

The two Children turned to find Sachiko standing in front of them.  Asuka unconsciously tightened her grip on Shinji's arm, glaring at the girl with unabashed anger.  With Mitzuki, she had known who the enemy was… but she had never seen Sachiko coming – nor had she been aware until the argument in the restaurant that there might be more than one opponent.

In short, Mitzuki she disliked for beating her… Sachiko she disliked for being so quietly powerful.  She could sense the energy between the dark-haired girl and Shinji, and she did not like it.

The waitress shifted slightly under the redhead's gaze, but kept her eyes on Shinji.  "I just want to say goodbye," she said warily, "we can sit at one of the tables if that would make it easier."

Shinji nodded, carefully extracting his arm from Asuka's.  "Will you wait here?" he asked gently, kissing the girl on the cheek and waiting for her to slowly nod, never looking away from her perceived rival.

Sachiko led him to one of the tables, making sure to stay in full view of the other girl and sitting on the opposite side from the now ex-employee of the restaurant.  As soon as they were situated, she let out a long breath.  "Shinji," she began slowly, staring down at the table, "Domiyoji proposed to me."

"That's great!" the brown-haired boy said enthusiastically, "Now you-"

"I had to say no."

"What?  Why!?  I don't… I don't understand."

The dark-haired girl met his eyes.  "Us," she said plainly, "I couldn't marry him without knowing for sure that I would always be faithful, and as far as we went together – even though we didn't go all the way – I don't know that."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Shinji… like I said in the alley; I don't know what exactly it is, whether it's you, or me, or just us – or whatever… I can't commit myself to him until I know for sure that I can be his alone."

"I'm still sorry," the boy replied quietly, glancing over at Asuka, who immediately looked away, pretending to take great interest in the décor, "even if it's not my fault, or yours, it's still not fair that you can't be with him."

Sachiko shrugged uncomfortably, dropping her eyes to the table and fiddling with the paper napkin in front of her.  "It… might still work out," she said softly, "but I need to know, you know what I mean?  I can't promise to love him and then meet someone like you again, or bump into you at the wrong place in the wrong time and…"  She sighed, "You know what I'm trying to say, right?"

"Yeah," Shinji replied gently, "I do, Sachiko.  I hope you guys can work it out."

"Me too."

"I'm going to get going before Asuka gets upset, ok?"

Sachiko nodded, rising to her feet with the boy and smiling gently.  "Think she'd mind if I gave you a hug?" she asked quietly.

Blushing, Shinji nodded.

The waitress sighed.  "Yeah," she continued, "kinda guessed that.  Well, I guess I'll just settle for this."  She extended her hand, taking Shinji's and shaking it slowly.  "Good luck," she whispered, "stop by and visit us sometimes, ok?"

"Yeah," the former Third Child said, averting his eyes, "I will."

They both knew that he wouldn't, but neither wanted to admit it, so they let it go. 

Sachiko watched as Shinji walked over to Asuka and took her hand, leading her out of the restaurant without once looking back.  Hearing footsteps behind her, she bowed her head, whispering, "I never tried to take him from you, Mitzu, you know that, don't you…?"

"Yeah," came the quiet reply, "I know you didn't."  There was a soft sigh, "And I don't think either of us ever had a chance – not unless she was out of the way."

"Hmmm," the dark-haired girl hummed, smiling as she turned to face her friend, "you sound like you're going to put a hit out on her."

Mitzuki grinned, dropping the other girl a wink.  "Come now, I would never stoop to something that messy," her smiled slowly faded as she looked towards the door, "but I do envy her."

For the first time in their relationship, Sachiko found herself unable to let the lie go.  "No you don't," she murmured, following the other girl's gaze, "You never loved him, Mitzu, you loved having someone like him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What kind of food does he like?  What kind of music does he play in that SDAT?  What was the name of his guardian?"

Mitzuki blushed, staring down at the floor.

"It's ok," Sachiko said gently, finally laying her finger on what had been bothering her about her attraction to the boy, "we both wanted something from him – you wanted someone who would treat you kindly and tell you that you were a good person."  She sighed, "And I kinda wanted the same thing, I guess, but I wanted it without having to think about it – I just wanted to let my mind go and…" she trailed off as the other girl shook her head.  "What?"

"Maybe you're right about me," Mitzuki said quietly, "but I know what you wanted, and it's not that shit you're spouting."

"And what might that be, Miss Psychic?"

"You wanted an out." Mitzuki whispered, "You don't love Domiyoji… if you did, you never would have invited Shinji into your house."

"That's not true, I-"

"Look me in the eyes… and tell me you'll marry him."

There was a moment of silence, then Sachiko turned away.  "You don't know anything," she muttered.

Mitzuki smiled, but it was hollow and flat.  "I'm going to get back to work," she said calmly, turning to head towards the back of the restaurant, "see ya."

"Hey Mitzu."

"Yeah?"

"I like your hair that way."

It was an honest compliment, given sincerely, and accepted without question or doubt… but from that moment on, Mitzuki and Sachiko never quite considered themselves friends.

"Thanks."

Quietly, the two returned to work, each wondering if the other had been right, and each knowing that, for better or worse, Shinji Ikari had changed their lives.

As for the Golden Temple, it didn't seem to mind the passing of its latest dishwasher from within its confines.  Much like life, the restaurant simply was.  Not passing judgement… not taking sides… not caring if hearts were broken or love was lost.  It merely existed, waiting patiently for the next employee, or the next customer, or the next owner, never questioning its place.

And so, the rest of the evening passed slowly, quietly, and uneventfully… though secretly, Mitzuki and Sachiko felt that it passed with just a touch more sadness than the previous night…

The End

Author's notes:  on the epilogue, and Sachiko in particular.  Hey, what can I say… not everyone gets a happy-happy ending, you know?  I was going to have Sachiko announcing her engagement, but it felt false to me.  After what happened, it didn't seem realistic to have everyone cheery and upbeat.  Infidelity – even with a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship – hurts, and it's not always easy (or possible) to regain a feeling of wellbeing and trust once it's lost, even if only one person knows something is amiss.  

I hope you liked this story… sure as hell took me long enough to write.  I start it as a short little time-waster to help my other stories along, and I had planned on only making it about 10 pages or so, focusing on Shinji's part-time job in post 3I Tokyo-2… but it sorta grew :P  It was started around April 07th, 2002, and completed on September 8th, 2003.  It's approximately 33,840 words long, comprising 84 pages, including all notes and disclaimers… case anyone cares.  ^_~

Pre-read on this entire series was by LeperMessiah and Ryoma – the MEN!  …or something.  Shanks, ferras! 

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


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